Sunflower Reviews

Grisha - Tales of Alena

Reviewer: Grisha2610

Review: Tales of Alena

Client: Jariiel

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COVER AND BLURB (5/10)

I believe that the cover can be improved. It needs to be more fantastical and contain colours that attract the reader's attention. I would suggest that Alena with her blue stone with a background of a forest or hill and some symbol that represents her father (for eg: the journal) would make a great graphic for the cover. There are some great cover artists on wattpad that can help you with that.

The blurb, unfortunately, reveals information that may be considered as spoilers, and you don't want to do that in a blurb. However, the first paragraph is great! It creates enough mystique for the reader without giving away too much. So, I advise you maybe change it to something like-

'Alena struggles to live a normal life after the disappearance of her father. She is forced to stay with an uncle she despises. However, obsessed with finding clues, she stumbles upon a magical stone that teleports her to a strange new world where magic and technology co-exist.'

It's short and sweet and gives enough premise to the story. It only requires a few modifications but ultimately, it's up to you as the author if you want to change something.

GRAMMAR (5.5/10)

I have already pointed out some grammatically errors in the inline comments. I found quite a few of dialogue tags that were misplaced here and there and some structural problems with a few sentences. A great way to make sure that your dialogue is properly structured is to say it out loud and notice if it sounds natural. Another suggestion of mine would be to download an editing tool such as Grammarly to help with these errors as these are issues that can be easily fixed with a little bit of proofreading.

PLOT (8.5/10)

*Note that I will go chapter-by-chapter and give a conclusion at the very end of the review when describing the plot

CHAPTER-1

I really like the interaction between Alena and her father. You explain the latter's job through dialogues quite well. I love how the readers are immediately introduced to a complicated relationship that I assume we'll definitely come back to in the future. My only advice for this chapter would be to make the interaction between Alena and her father a prologue instead of including it in the first chapter (Till the line- 'Forgive me'). It will fit better in terms of your story and act as a background for the plot.

CHAPTER-2

I have almost no problems with this chapter plot-wise. It showcases her tumultuous relationship with her uncle and her curiosity for the blue gemstone simultaneously. My favourite scene is when the uncle and her break out in a fight. This one scene explains Alena's character design very well and allows the reader to speculate how she would be behaving with other characters. The ending requires no changes as it finishes the chapter on a perfect cliff-hanger that makes the reader turn to the net page. My only suggestion would be to maybe reduce the number of lines where Alena is expressing her love for her father. This is because the reader most probably hasn't developed a deep connection with the characters at this point in the book. Such lines can be utilized in later chapters to invoke a more real reaction from the readers. Overall, great chapter!

CHAPTER-3

Although, the story is quite fast-paced, it is actually a lot more enjoyable that way. This chapter acts as a great introduction to a different world and shows how dangerous it is in the very first few paragraphs. I also like how the other two characters are introduced. Their powers are very interesting and would be great to explore in future chapters. My only qualm with this chapter is that interaction between Alena and her guardian is very short and the latter could be given more dialogues to slowly build up his character design. Overall, this is a great action-packed chapter and a great build up to the adventures they will face in the future.

DESCRIPTION (8/10)

The way you describe other characters and Alena's surroundings is great and requires almost no changes. I love how the action is so detailed and creates a perfect image in the reader's mind. I especially love the way you depict Ela and Warren with the Vaniks. However, writers who tend to focus a lot on descriptions may fall into some pitfalls that can take away from the experience of the story itself. One of them is overly long sentences, which I did find in a lot of the paragraphs. I suggest you keep one sentence to approximately 20-25 words. This gives you an idea of how many sentences are required in a paragraph before even writing them. But, overall, I loved your descriptions as a whole.

CHARACTERS (8/10)

Alena (I will only be giving a review on Alena as the other characters till now have not been provided with enough material to be reviewed upon)

Alena is portrayed as a girl who is very closely attached to her father and that is explained really well in the first chapter. And although, she is desperate to find her father, in the third chapter, her selfishness comes out when she says that she deserves to be with her friends and not in danger. I like that since this allows her to be more gray which opens up to various paths for her storylines. However, I do wish that the interaction between her and the guardian can be a little more fleshed out in the third chapter as it seems like he will be an important aspect to her story. Overall, Alena seems great as a protagonist and I hope she will become more and more dynamic in nature as the story moves on.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The plot seems very interesting and has been structured perfectly as I move on from chapter-to-chapter. I am excited to see how her search for clues will line up with the world she has landed in. I can already notice a fellowship growing between Alena, Ela, Warren and Willow, so, it will be great to see where this plot is headed. It is clear that you have spent a lot of time on world-building, which is extremely important for a fantasy. Aside from some grammatical errors and very few descriptive issues, this story creates a great environment for mystery and fantasy to co-exist together harmoniously.