WARNING: MENTIONS OF INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT, INCLUDING DIRTY HUMOR! NOTHING EXPLICIT! RATED PG-13! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
The Gang's Shennanigans
Mike: Chip won't come out of his room!
Jawa: Just tell him I said something stupid.
Mike: Stupid?
Jawa: Factually incorrect.
[a few minutes later...]
Chip: (bursts into room) DID YOU JUST SAY THAT COMMUNISM IS A GOOD IDEA?!?
Jawa: Behold: the M107 .50-cal anti-material rifle. Some call it overpowered, some call it a pain, I call it "The Universal Delete Button."
Chip: (wheezing laughter)
Hank: *over the phone* So, how's vacation?
Chip: Well, right now, Jawa's teaching me how to be a sniper with a .50-cal! It's awesome!
Claire: (cries in European)
Chip: Okay, guys, get ready. We need to defend my house until backup arrives. (opens bedroom closet, then safe)
Zoe: ... you have an M240?!?
Chip: ... you don't?
Jawa: Why am I not surprised?
Most anyone: Chip, no.
Chip: Chip, yes!
Jawa, Cyrus, Chip's eventual wife: Chip, no.
Chip: Chip, maybe?
Mr. and Mrs. Schacter: Chip, no.
Chip: Yes sir/ma'am. (stops immediately)
James Mattis, Chesty Puller, Jesus: Chip, no.
Chip: AYE, SIR! (stops and snaps to attention)
Ben: I called you eleven times! What were you doing last night?
Mike: Homework, what else?
Zoe: Morning, boys!
Ben: Morning, homework.
Cyrus: How are you not dead?
Ben: (bleeding from all of his limbs, torso, and head) I have no idea!
Catherine: *confused screaming*
Mike: Do we even weigh anything to you?
Chip: (carrying Mike, Ben, Jawa, Erica, and Zoe with ease) Naw, it's like holdin' a couple o' grapes.
Chip: Good grief! CCTV shows that Jessica was shot by a sniper while she was waiting on Ben for their date!
Erica: Oh no! (closes her rifle case)
Chip: Hey, guys, why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause someone didn't cook it! (laughs deliriously before collapsing)
Jawa: And this, everyone, is why you don't try to stay up for 72 hours straight to study for exams.
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