Incorrect Quotes

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WARNING: MENTIONS OF INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT, INCLUDING DIRTY HUMOR!  NOTHING EXPLICIT!  RATED PG-13!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


The Gang's Antics

Ben: In the end, we're all human beans.

Mike: And together, we will rice.

Zoe: Lettuce pray.

Jawa: Ramen.

Chip: Y'all, that was beautiful.

Erica: What in the world did I just witness?


Jawa: Chip can turn anything into a weapon.

Erica: That's... impossible.

Jawa: Trust me, he can use anything. Even an eggplant.

Erica: How do you weaponize eggplant?

Terrorist: (sobbing as he's being force-fed eggplant disaster by Chip) I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING! JUST MAKE IT STOP!

Erica: ... welp, I can't say you're wrong there...


[while working with US Navy SEALs]

LT: It appears that our prisoner is refusing to cooperate.

Erica: Time for some new tactics, then.

Chief: So, what kind of interrogation methods should we use?

Mike: Chip's cooking dinner now, and he'll serve it when it's ready.

LT: ... how exactly is this useful?

Jawa: He's cooking eggplant with every spice known to man, then burning it.

Chief: ... I knew you CIA people were sick, but that's just inhuman.

[a little later...]

Prisoner: (sobbing) PLEASE! NO MORE! I'LL TALK!

LT: ... I don't know whether to be scared or impressed.

The rest of the SEAL platoon: (impressed applause)

Chip: (laughs like a madman)


Murray: I'll never talk!

Ben: Okay, then. Chip's cooking dinner tonight.

Murray: Wait pLEASE NO I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING!

Chip actually trying to cook good: -__-


[the gang captured a SPYDER operative that tried to commit a terrorist attack, and now they're conducting interrogation - DARK HUMOR THAT MIGHT NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN]

SPYDER operative: I'll never talk!

Ben: Well, then, meet my interrogation team.

Ben: He is smoothness (points at Mike, who's the good cop interrogator with coffee)

Ben: He's is grace (points at Jawa, who's the bad cop interrogator with blackmail)

Ben: He will shoot you in the face! (points at Chip, who has an evil grin)

SPYDER operative: Wait, wha—

Chip: (cocks shotgun)

SPYDER operative: (confused screaming)


[or...]

Chip: So, what can I use? Punching? Electrocuting? Waterboarding? Blowtorching?

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