Treading The Waters [on hold]

Chapter Twenty-Two

Running has always been something that I've done to decompress. It's a way for me to escape from my life, escape from all the drama and uncertainty. A temporary fix to the constant weight on my shoulders.

But today, running feels a little lighter. I don't feel that soul-crushing weight that I usually do. I've been able to experience the beauty of my run with heightened senses. The smell of the pines and flowers are infiltrative on my senses. The grass is greener, sky bluer. The air is crisper, the sun brighter.

Getting my feelings off my chest to Jensen has really helped my mindset, and it also helps that we're on the same page now. I don't feel as nervous around him, nor do I feel the regret like I did.

It's been great the last few weeks between us. We've talked more, went on dates, and I've felt those innocent butterflies like I did in high school. The day after the lake I woke up with the crashing realization that I had made a comment about Jensen's cock and immediately snuck into my cave for like two days straight.

I was so embarrassed. He was being sincere, trying to coax the truth out of me so that we can stop living in this weird in-between where we flirt but don't cross any lines. Now, it's more, and we've established that. I don't have to worry as much about how I act around him because through it all, the Jensen I remember is still in there.

It makes it worse now though, because my lady bits don't understand that although we've established the 'more' of our relationship, it doesn't mean we're ready for sex yet. Sex is something that happens between two people who have a connection—which we do—but we're also people who have hurt each other before, meaning that there is an extra trust that is required before falling back into bed together.

To put it simply, my drawer dick has been used more times these last two weeks than I've used it in the last six months. I've replaced the batteries—three times.

Shaking off the thoughts, I pick up the pace of my run, feeling the familiar burn as I suck air into my lungs. Running makes me feel good, and I need to be as light as possible for when I meet Lorraine to try on dresses later. And while the weight isn't present like normal, I still need the release because she'll see straight through my bullshit if she asks about her brother, and I try to play it off as less than it is.

"How are you doing, baby?" I ask Wolf—my trusty best friend—as we pound the path that runs just behind the lake. Wolfe barks in return, letting his tongue hang out as he runs beside me.

"We've only got less than a mile left, Wolf. Can you make it? Can we do it?" I encourage him, letting him know that he's about to get a break. I've pushed him nearly two miles today, but it's nothing we haven't done before. It's different now though because I don't run with him as much as we did in L.A., letting him enjoy the rest that the country provides whereas the city does not.

Wolf barks his acknowledgment, picking up the pace slightly so he stays just a step in front of me. I laugh, feeling like my dog is trying to race me.

"Are you trying to win a race, Wolf-man?" He barks. "Okay, you're on."