what i'm here for

Chapter 16: When do we leave

Derek weaved his way through the occupied tables in the busy cafeteria before finding an empty table on the outskirts, away from most of the people. He dropped his tray down on the table and collapsed gratefully into the chair. Thanks to a massive pile up on the freeway, Derek had performed several surgeries, keeping him effectively too busy for a break all day. Other than a few caffeine fixes, with big thanks to the scrub nurses, he had not eaten at all.

Reaching for the bottle of water sitting on the tray, right beside the large salad, Derek unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp. And then another. And another. After downing half the bottle, he replaced the top and set it back down with a sigh. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired, wanting nothing more than to go home, curl up in bed with Meredith in his arms, and get some sleep. Their conversation that morning had done some good in settling his nerves and his mind. He believed her when she told him she was happy. He believed her when she said she didn't blame him. And most importantly, he believed her when she told him she loved him.

He removed his hand, opening his eyes and blinking at the onslaught of the light, trying to blink away the developing tension headache. He only had a short time for a breath and bite to eat before he would be back in surgery. He would perform at least one craniotomy this evening, maybe two. There was one patient from the crash they were keeping an eye on. He had a slow bleed, very minor. Hopefully it would clear up on its own. Derek was very hopeful. He didn't want to be here all night. He wanted to sleep. And he knew he and Meredith still had to finish their talk. And although they were still new to the 'talking thing,' as Meredith called it, he was certain she would want to continue that talk tonight. He hoped they would have a chance.

The headache was rising again, at the mere thought of explaining himself to her. This morning he had been ready to tell her everything, but now that he had a chance to mull over it, he was horrified at the thought. He shook his head, as if that would rid his mind of the negative thoughts. Glancing at his watch, he pulled his tray closer, knowing he had to eat now if he wanted the chance.

Closing his mind off to the distractions and white noise of the busy lunch room, he picked up his fork and dug in to his salad. He was halfway through it when a tray was set down in the space beside his. He was surprised, having not heard anyone approach. With a mouthful of lettuce, he glanced sideways, smiling as he immediately recognized the tired form collapsing into the chair next to him.

Meredith smiled back to him. "Hey," she spoke, exhaustion evident in her voice.

He swallowed. "Hey. Long day, huh?"

She sighed and nodded. "You can say that again."

Derek smiled. "Long day, huh?" He repeated. Earning himself a glare from his girlfriend. "What? You told me to say it again."

Meredith shook her head. "Why do I put up with you?" She laughed, shaking her head.

Derek's throat went dry and he swallowed, knowing she was joking, but unable to stop the onslaught of emotions that came from the simple joke. He didn't respond; he couldn't come up with anything to say, so he stuffed another forkful of salad into his mouth.

Meredith titled her head, just slightly. "You okay?"

He nodded, swallowing his bite. "Just tired."

Her eyes tightened, suspicious. He suddenly felt naked, as if she could see through everything, could read his every thought. He knew she knew he was lying. They remained staring at each other for several seconds, before she nodded and turned to her plate. She knew she had hit a nerve, but she was going to let it go. For now. This was hardly the time or place, especially when neither of them were done working with patients for the day.