what i'm here for

Chapter 11: Momentary Freak out

"Are you okay?" Burke's questioning words pulled Derek from his thoughts. The relief that Meredith had passed her test was mixed with his thoughts on the meeting he had with the chief that morning. Coupled with everything else that had occurred through the week... and it was needless to say Derek was somewhat distracted. He really wasn't giving the best man gig his full attention.

"I'm fine. You need anything?" Derek asked, reaching forward to adjust Preston's tie. "Need a mint? Get away car?" He asked jokingly, happy with his best man skills when he made Burke smile.

"If it's the chief thing, don't worry about it. You deserve it," Burke told him, breaching a subject Derek really didn't want to talk about right now, especially not with Burke, right when he was about to get married. He still wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"Richard didn't pick me to be chief," Derek told him.

Burke looked taken aback. "We all assumed..." He trailed off. "Who did he pick?"

"I don't know, but it wasn't me." Derek said, avoiding making eye contact. He really didn't want to talk about this now.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Burke asked again.

Derek smiled and shrugged. "It's just been a really stressful week. I guess I'm still working through everything. But don't worry, because today is your day. It's all about you today."

Preston smiled. "You really are a good best man."

Derek smiled. "I sure am." They both laughed.

After a few moments Derek took a breath and tried to read Burke's expression. "Okay, now it's my turn. Are you okay? You look...I don't know...off?"

Burke shrugged, sloughing off the question. "I'm fine. A little nervous maybe?"

Derek smiled, surprised to see the other surgeon admitting to being nervous. "You sure that's all it is?"

"Weren't you nervous?" Preston questioned.

Flashes of his wedding came flooding back to Derek. Pacing in the back room, waiting for the ceremony to begin. Mark pulling a flask out of his jacket pocket, a knowing smile on his face. Being told it was time to come and stand at the altar. Mark pushing him through the door. The sea of smiling faces staring up at him.The inability to differentiate between any faces in the sea of guests.His throat getting tighter. Mark trying to joke with him, trying to make him relax. The music starting to play.The doors at the back of the church opening. The smiling faces moving their attention off him. Thebridal party making their way up the aisle.Losing track of the number of bridesmaids walking past him.The music changing Addison making her way down the aisle, led by her father. His throat tightening. Knowing he should be feeling something, but not feeling anything. He was too numb, too nervous.

Derek laughed and nodded. "Hell yeah, I was nervous."

Burke returned the laugh, but sobered quickly. "But it didn't work out," he said. "Maybe you were nervous for a reason?" And suddenly the conversation was serious.

Derek hesitated, surprised to be in the position he was in, but knowing his words could have increased effect if he failed to properly explain. "It didn't work out," he agreed. "But I was really young when I got married. We were both really young. And we grew apart. You guys will be fine," he said, trying to sound confident, knowing it was what Burke needed right now. "You're older than we were, more settled. If anything you can grow closer, not further." He hesitated. "I didn't know who I was then. It... it took me a long time to find out who I am. You know. You'll be fine."

Preston nodded, and Derek smiled. He hoped he had helped. They remained silent for just a few moments before the music began and the sea of faces turned expectantly to the back door, which remained closed.