The Desire

7

Alessandro Morino

I've always seen the world as black and white. Cut, dry, and very clear. Mamma has always said that wasn't true. I didn't believe that not until I met Avalon. She flooded my mind, confusing me about the things I always believed in.

Committing myself to a woman wasn't something I had considered. The life I live is dangerous. Too complicated. Each time I leave the house there is a risk associated with it. It seems cruel to put a person you love in that kind of position. The other part of it is that it takes too much for me to open to anyone. My heart isn't a warm pool ready and waiting. It's a poisonous river with trees barricading it from the outside world. That's the way it has to be.

My father bashed it in our heads at a young age that there are few women who would be able to make the sacrifices that came with being with any one of us. While Niccolo bears the brunt of most of the expectation in our family there still was plenty enough for the rest of my brothers. Marriage is one of them.

Dad's admiration for my mother came from that very same reasoning. Cara Marie had been the exception. The one woman who would bend the world to please him. Seeing the tragedy of their relationship I wanted nothing like it. I settled with that resolution. The peace I made with that resolve is nowhere to be found while standing with Avalon at the symphony.

Bringing her here is just one of the ways the lines I had drawn are being blurred into oblivion. Very few things I treasure. As a kid there were always things to be done. A new skill to master, better opponent to beat, or a better way to help Niccolo. My life has never been my own. I have always been owned by the mafia. Another thing I had to make peace with.

One day Mamma sat me at the piano and began playing. I didn't even know she knew how to play. From then on she taught me and eventually paid for lessons for various instruments. Many of my teachers called me musically inclined, especially once I mastered the piano, violin, bass, and flute. Music was the only thing that truly was mine. Something that I didn't have to share or do for others. Something I left my heart with which is dangerous enough in itself.

Going to the symphony had become one place I could let go. Each note holds a place in my heart that releases me from the responsibilities of my everyday obligations. The only person I have ever brought to the symphony is Gia. Not my brothers or even Mamma. Without even thinking about it twice I reserved two seats for me and Avalon. This friendship is developing much faster than I thought it would. I don't even know the first place to start with being her friend. Especially when all I want to do is kiss her senseless. Even I know that is not what friends do.

"Wow. This is beautiful." Her eyes take in the instruments on the stage.

My eyes couldn't turn away from her for more than five seconds to see what she was looking at. How could I with her wearing that leather dress? It clings to her, molding her as its own. Her silver heels give her a few inches but she's still shorter than me. Today her lips are shaded a ruby red that brings out the glow in her brown skin. When she smiled, well it felt like staring at a renaissance painting.

"The Belzirre is having its one year anniversary." The home to the Belzirre symphony had only been open for a year. Like most things in the city it drummed up a lot of support. Elitists of all types frequented here. The fact that it is their one year anniversary only tripled the number of guests. Being a VIP member I was able to reserve seats quickly. I had already planned to come but bringing Avalon had been a surprising decision for me.

"Is that why it's packed in here?" I nod my head while pulling her to our front row seats. "Wow." Her eyes cast over the concert hall.

Two violinists played while patrons found their seats. Between the violin and me is a love-hate relationship. It's a delicate instrument that requires a controlled power when used. You couldn't take your anger out on her or she would twitch with brutal notes. I was raised to take what is necessary anger or violation be damned. The violin taught me patience. At least more than what I had. Recent events have made it impossible to play but now that things have changed maybe I could once again.