Keep Me In | DR3 | BOOK 1

64 - Hue and Cry

"To go with her new car, and her new hair," Carlee leaned forward as much as her stomach allowed, flicking her own curls mockingly. "What is this really all about, Lex?"

"Daniel broke up with me. He doesn't want me, Carl," I admitted, my voice muffled into the crook of her neck as I let her pull me into a tight, supportive embrace.

"We're done. It's over, for good."

--

"I'm not even really sure what happened, at this point. Like, how it was all brought up. But after hearing about my history with Max-"

"By 'history', you mean-"

"We had sex. Once," I responded to Carlee, who nodded confidently in return. She knew the story, or at least the easy-to-digest version of it. That Max and I had somewhat of a history, a history of flirting. Of illicit affairs. Surely she was just confirming, for her own knowledge. To better understand the current situation, and why the three of us were now huddled under a large blanket in front of the fireplace on Dads living room floor, the tears barely keeping from escaping the locked confines of my ducts.

"And, by 'Max', you mean-"

"Verstappen, yes," I inhaled sharply, looking beside me to a wide-eyed Molly, who for the first time was learning of my history with my old Red Bull Racing team member. I waited momentarily, for a cue from her to let me know she was ready for me to continue. She shook her head as she came back to, meeting my gaze and clearing her throat, before continuing to rub my upper back.

I swallowed, preparing my throat as I began again, "After I told him that we had sex, he flipped. He turned it into this huge deal, as if it changed anything! I felt absolutely backed into a corner, and I-I-"

My train faltered, my anger at the situation showing itself as I stumbled over my tongue, struggling to find a fine way to end the summarization I had been giving them without telling Carlee and Molly how my time as a Formula 1 driver really came to an end.

"I stormed out. And the next morning, when I finally came to terms with how badly I had... over-reacted, I tried to go back, so that I could apologize. So I could show him how shitty it all made me feel, how badly I regretted how the whole thing went. And to see if maybe we could work out the whole history with Max. That maybe I could help him see that it really didn't mean anything to me then, let alone now.

"But he had already left, of course. I went to the Hub to find him, and sure enough, I did," I sighed, letting my eyes settle on the fire in front of us. Focusing on the tips of the flames, how they flickered and danced before evaporating into a cloud of pollutants, cast into the passageway the chimney provided.

There one second, searing the air around us and glowing in all their intensity, and then gone the next. Dissipated into the atmosphere, beauty never to be seen again, sight unseen.

I found him, but part of me wishes I hadn't. As if maybe if I didn't find him then, in that moment, where his mind was so decided against anything to do with me, with us- we'd still be together. If I waited until after the race, in Spain, that maybe he would have thought things through on his own. He would have reconsidered dropping everything, he would have opened his eyes, and allowed me more time.

"He told me our love wasn't enough. He thinks I don't trust him."

"Because of the Alana thing?" Molly whispered, her tone slightly confused.