The Wolf's Assistant

I'm Still Here

That night I lay awake, staring into the living world. I decided that tonight I would take the form of a ghost crow. I was nothing but an illusion to everyone but the person I sent myself for. And that person was Bigby. I stood at the window sill, lightly tapping the glass. He was sitting in his chair, staring at a wall, I felt bad for disturbing him. He turned his head, and he smiled once he saw me.

He opened the window and I hopped in.

"Nox, is that really you?" He asked, attempting to pat my head. His hand only went through.
I nodded, listening very closely.

"This is weird..." He chuckled, watching as the crow shuttered and flickered. I flapped my wings, trying to reassure him. As I could not speak, only body language through a bird was the only way I could communicate. He stood up, leaning against the wall. I turned my head, snapping my beak.

"You know, it's strange not having you around. It's quiet... It always sucks when I forget you're gone. I catch myself getting distracted at work because I'm thinking of you." He was avoiding eye contact, but I don't blame him.

I flew onto his shoulder, listening intently.
"I miss your stupid jokes and your cute face. I miss you, Nox."

I wanted to tell him that I would be back soon, but I couldn't. And unfortunately my time was running out. I only had so much strength to invest in this illusion, that I was tiring quickly. I decided to blow out the lights, and using the rest of my strength to make a beautiful show for him. It was a ghostly image of myself. It glitched and flickered just as the crow did. But I could see that he was greatly comforted by actually seeing something of me. I leaned in, hugging him. Though I was in the one and only underworld, I felt like I was right there with him.

"I'm still here." I managed to whisper, fighting back tears. Soon I was gone. He was gone. I was back in the underworld, my eyes dull with pain and sorrow. I felt my arms slowly fall back to my side in disappointment.

Hades walked up behind me, reaching an arm out. I turned around and pushed it away, shaking my head.

"Sorry, I have a bad habit of eavesdropping..." He said, watching me walk away.
I looked down at my feet, closing my eyes tiredly.

"Don't worry about it..." I mumbled, refusing to let myself open up. I didn't want to pour my heart out to someone who probably didn't care. I was exhausted, and really needed some sleep. But I had so many thoughts swarming my mind that it was almost impossible. Hades grabbed my hands, facing me towards him.

"Nox, if you need to talk, I'm here for you-"

I lifted my head, glaring at him.
"Are you really? You're only here for me when it's convenient for you! Where were you when I needed you those other times? Hm?"

"Nox, you know I can't leave the underworld... It's a big responsibility. People die every day..."

I pulled away from his grasp, my anger growing more each second.
"Don't even use that bullshit excuse! You came up from the underworld perfectly fine when you were shot with Cupid's arrow and fell in love with Persephone! You left your duties for her! Why can't you leave yours for me? I've died for so many damn people who don't even fucking care! You can't even put the three other gods who are perfectly capable in charge and pay me any attention when I need it!"

Hades looked disappointed. I don't know if he was in himself, or me. But he quickly became angry just as I had.

"You want to know something Nox? You're selfish. You're absorbed in self image, and your own misery! You don't care about anyone but yourself!"

I jabbed my finger into his chest, pushing him backwards.
"How could you say that? You think being selfish is killing two gods for your mortal friend? You think selfish is putting other's happiness before my own? You seriously think that having my wings ripped from my own body and burned into ashes, is selfish?"

"Oh please Nox, you didn't die for anyone the last time. You didn't even fight back. That was your own fault." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

I balled up my hands into fists, crossing my arms.
"Fine. I gave up. Happy? It's not the first time. I gave up because people like you always fucking make me feel useless. You give up on me, I give up on myself. I'm sorry I'm such a fucking disgrace to your world." I hissed, shaking my head at the floor.

"You're just so stupid when it comes to this, Nox. Jealous is all you are. You always bring Persephone into this." He began to walk away.

I slammed my foot to the floor, causing the ground to crack and shake. The room suddenly got darker. I was staring right at his back, my eyes filled with angry tears.

"You know what Hades?! You're right! All I am is jealous! I'm upset that you're with Persephone! I want you.... I love you." I could almost feel my heart thumping in relief but my brain falling apart. Why the hell did I say that? Why?

Hades turned to me again, his face still filled with anger.
"Fuck you..."
He said, shaking his head. He walked away, leaving me in a dimly lit room.

My heart sank, my brain shattered, and my legs caved in.
I fell to the stone floor, sobbing in my hands.

"Why do I even try?" I whimpered.

I didn't get any sleep that night, I only cried on the floor for hours on end.

______________________

rip Nox's heart amirite

I'm really tired lmao I'm gonna go to bed.

Peace my lovely pickles.
I swear, I call you guys something different each time.