TW for this chapter: disordered eating behaviors and impact play (hitting in a sexual context)
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Kim Doyoung, for Yuta, is someone he'll never be able to figure out. Not that he wants to, much less needs to. He already loves him enough.
He has to admit though, at first, Doyoung wasn't special, sure, he was different. He stuck out to Yuta but in a way anyone else could have. It's weird to him, he thinks, because if things had gone the slightest bit different they wouldn't be here right now. The butterfly effect. It all comes down to that over and over again to the point Yuta thinks it's almost lost the poetic beauty he had once given it. He's glad things went how they did, but deep down it plants another seed of insecurity… what if along the way… they take the decision that will end them.
Kim Doyoung through Nakamoto Yuta's eyes
Doyoung doesn't eat when they meet up with Sicheng. It doesn't surprise him. Doyoung doesn't do breakfast, but it's the way he avoids eating that sticks out to Yuta.
He'd usually pick at his food, take one or two bites, clean his hands, pick at it some more, clean his hands again, excuse himself, go to the bathroom, throw up the little he had managed to eat, return and assume no one noticed. Yuta always does. He never knows if he should say anything.
Now though, Doyoung doesn't even touch his food. The plate remained completely intact and decorated as beautifully as they gave it to him. Yuta asks if he's feeling well, Doyoung smiles, then leans his head on his shoulder.
"I'm fine" He says, neither Yuta nor Sicheng are convinced.
"I'm just tired"
The thing is, Yuta soon finds out, Doyoung is fine. Nothing specific happened. His eating disorder doesn't limit itself to only making bad days worse, it's also still there on good days.
They hike as part of a school group activity, and then they go bowling with their group of friends. It's a small, poor lit space, it's kind of ugly and old and yet it seemed oddly homey.
Yuta buys Doyoung popcorn. Doyoung doesn't even look at it, but he still laughs and plays, he almost slips thrice on the alley and they joke about it. Sicheng wins (Yuta realizes why they call him Winwin) and Doyoung kisses Yuta to comfort him even though the younger was the one who came in last place. He wraps his arms around his waist and wow… Doyoung is tiny. He holds him tighter but he doesn't seem to notice.
It's not until they go out to have lunch Yuta actually worries, he knows Doyoung is trying, pinching the pasta with his fork only to clean it against the plate again. His eyebrows furrow, like he's fighting with himself and he's no longer engaged in conversation.
"Doie" He calls, and no matter how low he tries to say it everyone else in the table turns to the younger.
"I'm sorry… I… I can't" Doyoung doesn't look at him.
"It's fine" Jaehyun tries, and almost everyone but Yuta agrees.
"It's not"
"What?"
"It's not Doyoung, you haven't eaten anything today" He still doesn't look at him, Yuta can tell he's biting the inside of his lip, will probably draw a bit of blood even.
"Let's not do this here"
"We have to Doie or else you won't eat at all and you know it" The others don't butt in, Yuta's not sure why. Doyoung glares at him, grabbing Jaehyun's drink from beside him. Jaehyun tries to grab it back but he doesn't reach it before Doyoung pours it over his food.
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Limitless // Doyu
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