Confessions of the Eternally Broken-Hearted

PROLOGUE

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu

To You Who's On This Journey of Love,

Love. It's such a broad term, isn't it? And what it means varies person by person.  Conditional; unconditional. Ephemeral; forever. Platonic; romantic. Unrequited; reciprocated.  I could go on and on. The list is ever changing & evolving. But what does it really mean to you? I can't answer that. I can only answer what love means to me and this is what this book is about. A collection of love stories from one who seems to be eternally broken-hearted.

Love has been an anchor in my life ever since I could remember. The first time I was ever exposed to the idea of love was when I watched The Little Mermaid in the movies. I think I was 4 or 5 years old then. Ariel singing her heart out - giving all she could give to Ursula - for a chance at love. That beautiful feeling of hope, fighting for that idea of something so pure & unadulterated. It left an imprint in me so strong that it formed my early notions of what love is – pure; determination; sacrifice; and being yourself. This struck a chord even more with me because at that age, I knew deep in myself that there was a change in me I needed to go through to be who I want to truly be and to find that one special person who would love me for me. The story of Ariel and Prince Eric fed my fertile, imaginative mind. I would dream of being Ariel – transforming myself to who I should truly be so I could find my Prince Eric. I remember secretly playing with my sister's dolls and telling stories of how I would find my very own prince; Alexander as I called him then. Dreaming of a world where I would be loved & accepted for who I was and am.

But then reality kicks in. Heck, life goes into overdrive. We grow up and things happen, both good and bad, that would shape you in ways that you never expect. Life propels you up but also pulls you down; forming much of who you are today. There are times when you're hopeful, but also times when you're hardened by the reality of life. Personalities are formed; perceptions are created; walls are built to protect yourself from the harsh truths of life. But through all that, one thing stayed true – somehow, I still had that unadulterated belief in the power of love. It was like all those years ago, watching The Little Mermaid and what I saw of love coalesced with my being. Running through my veins like blood; breathing life through my lungs like air. I never realized how much love is a part of me and of who I am.

They say in one's lifetime that you'll have 3 TYPES of LOVE. Take a minute, reflect & imagine that...just three types. For sure, people can fall in love more than three times. After all, love happens to each one of us uniquely. There are the lucky ones - at least that's what most people would say - that experience love just once in their lifetime. In my opinion, the lucky ones are those that go through more than one and grow in the process. They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken & shattered hearts still lay beating; ever wondering if there is something inherently wrong with them and how they love. Honestly, I'm in that space. I am, every second, trying to learn the lesson that there is nothing wrong with me or how I love. And I guess I consider myself one of the lucky ones; because I still cycle through – evolve & grow - until you get surprised by the last kind of love.

At the end of the day, the journey to that love is different and varies person by person. If you are fortunate enough, there will be three that will make an impact in your life; beyond what you've ever imagined, even if you've fallen in love more than three times.  Have I gone through these three? Maybe. But I'll let you decide as you read through, which is why it's important to cover the three types of love before we get going.

The first type is as obvious as rain – THE FIRST LOVE.  It's the love that looks & feels right. It's youthful & innocent love that bursts with intensity and passion, exact same one that you see in movies. It's the fairy tale; an all-consuming puppy love that you think will last forever.  We experience this very young and usually it ends because the two people either grow apart or there was no strong foundation for the love to stand on in the first place.  It's superficial to the extent that it places more importance on how the relationship might look to others. We enter the relationship with the belief that this will be our one and only love. And it doesn't matter if it doesn't feel quite right or if we must swallow down some personal truths to make it work. We want to believe deep down that this is what love is supposed to be. But then it falls apart with an intensity, strength & realism that for certain leaves a mark. But it is one that you recover from.