Two Lost Souls • Paul Lahote

27. Fine

PAUL POV

When Sam spoke, I immediately tensed, "I'm worried about you Paul."

He said it in such a calm voice the fact alone almost irritated me. He was talking to me as if I was a child avoiding a tantrum or as if I would blow any second, maybe I would. After all it's understandable. He knows better than anyone just how irrational my shifting can be.

"Don't." I tell him, he doesn't need to worry. I have it under control. Do I fear my father? Yes. Does he hurt me? Yes. But, if I felt myself shifting in front of him, would I be able to control it? Yes, the fear takes control and physically stops me forming shifting, which I assume is good? He has nothing to worry about. My father won't find out.

"Paul, what's going on? What aren't you telling me?" I didn't know how to reply. I thought he was worried about the secret, not me. I can't tell him. It's stupid. I'm fine. It doesn't leave lasting marks or scars, I'm fine. 

"Nothings going on, I'm fine Sam." My voice didn't come out quite as convincing as I had hoped.

"That's bullshit, Paul, and you know it. I know it. Hell, Elizabeth knows it. She knows somethings up, you can see it in her eyes. She's concerned too Paul. So am I, and the pack." As soon as he mentioned Lizzie's possible concern, my heart melted slightly. As soon as her name entered my ears, my ever so slightly shaking body stopped. Weird.

"Look, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but please Paul, please tell her. For once in your life, let someone help you. I'm begging you Paul, because this isn't healthy. Leah will have come home by now, why don't you go to her now?"

"No."

"No? Why Paul?"

"I don't want to worry her. I'm fine." And with that, I leave.

I ran further into the forest, releasing the anger built up inside me, letting my shaking arms turn into paws as shifted, not even bothering to remove my shirt or shorts beforehand. As I got closer to my house, shifting back and pulling on some clothes previously hidden behind a bush, I internally scold myself, regretting my decision. For a moment, I debate on whether or not I should go to Lizzie's and talk to her, like Sam had said, before deciding against it. I can't put this burden on her shoulders. I won't. I'm fine. She doesn't need to worry over anything concerning me. I won't cause her worry. It's fine. Maybe, just maybe, if I think it enough, I might believe it one day, hell, maybe one day I'll actually be okay.