All Roads Lead to Us (Street Racers #1)

20: Jungkook

I've always felt relaxed and at home in Yeeun's apartment. High ceiling, snacks always stocked, lots of light, random things placed everywhere. An orange on the living room counter, cat shaped bowl on the window sill in the kitchen, flowers, a panda drawing framed on the wall.

I like the place even better now that we are cuddling in her queen-sized bed, on the softest sheets.

It's not entirely new. Weekly midnight talks with movies playing in the background always ended up like this, with cuddles. As friends, obviously. 

The one that vents is the one getting cuddled, a rule, so my head is now on her chest. Yeeun may be acting all independent and cool, but whenever we are hidden away from the world, she is all cuddly and soft. Only towards me. And I absolutely love getting squished in her arms. It's unusally snuggly this time. 

That's how I've been falling in love with her. And how I'm still falling in love with her. I gave up trying to stop this. I can't and I don't want to. Even if it means having my heart broken in the end.

The reason we are having this talk now is me and my inability to make sense out of the situation with Taehyung by myself. I would usually figure it out by myself, but this is too much to handle in the silence of my mind.

"Do you still want to win the season?" Yeeun asks, caressing my arm with her thumb.

The thought of coming first at the end of the season after a year of break is exhilarating. "I want to," I say. "But I don't think it means as much to me as it does to him."

"Call Me by Your Name" murmurs on the TV. We have seen it three times already.

"I think he doesn't want to win the season," Yeeun says. "He just wants to win with you. Whether he comes second, third or fourth, he will be fine if you're behind him."

"I always thought he raced because he hated me and just wanted to win with me. I didn't know about his cousin," I mumble, cheek squished, eyes drooping.

"I bet no one did. It doesn't look like he's got anyone who supported him through it."

"That would make sense why no one came to the hospital, too." I sigh. "I don't wanna appear as a savior, or whatever. It's not like that."

Yeeun shuffles, her leg presses against mine. "Are you talking about that day he came to your store?"

"Mhm. He thinks I pity him. I mean... I do feel bad for him, but I'm not doing this out of pity. I just didn't know before that things are not as simple as I thought. And now... I really wanna improve things between us." All the recent encounters with Taehyung rush through my head again, and again. Nowadays I think about it compulsively, usually as I drive around, coming with newer conclusions every time I park the car. "You know what I figured out?"

"What did you figure out?"

"First of all, I don't think he's actually an asshole. Second, I think he's struggling with something, that's why he acts like that. Third, I think he's actually alright. If he's not being rude on purpose."

"He is alright," she says, moving her hand to run it up and down my back. When my eyes are closed, I can fully take in the feeling of it. "Yesterday was fun. But he is acting. Like he thinks he has to hate you."

My eyebrows furrow. "What the fuck does it even mean that he hates me because he can't be me?"

"I think only he knows it for sure." She says, voice gentle. "We can be guessing, only."

"Then guess something. I don't like not knowing the answers."

"I don't know, something about me? I've always been on your side. And now you're dating me. Kind of. Maybe we bother him."