The Surrogate

49- Vulnerable Confession

"Namjoon,I wasn't angry. Maybe I was a little angry but I just needed time and space to think a few things and clear my head. I can't deny that your words hurted a lot but I think now I am ready to forgive you. I am not someone to hold grudges Namjoon and I can see how much you have been regretting it . I forgive you also. I am sorry too, I shouldn't have said those things without thinking but my intentions weren't wrong. I just wanted to show her that you aren't miserable or heartbroken anymore. I wanted to show her that you are living a good life even without her but I guess I overstepped the line. So I am sorry to" You sincerely apologized .

'No no no, I am thankful to you Yn. Honestly, i would have stood dumb if it weren't for you. So thank you, I should have said it then only but never mind. It's all in the past now." It was after days that those adorable dimples finally formed on his beautiful face. "Thank you so much Yn...Thank you for forgiving me. We can go back to the way you used to be. Although now you will live with your family, which is okay with me. I will try to visit you after work everyday. We-"

Namjoon stopped when you withdrew your hands which he had held in between his.

"Namjoon, thank you. Thank you so much for giving me the chance to experience this wonderful feeling of nurturing a life in me . Thank you for being such a good friend , thank you for understanding me and taking care of me all those months, thank you for everything you have done for Yun, thank you for being the shoulder I cried on, thank you for giving me so much comfort and l..care. Thank you for each and everything you have done for us Namjoon. I can never repay your kindness-"

What does this all mean?" Namjoon asked , he tried to hold your hand again but you pulled back now sitting up against the headboard.

"You are a truly kind and caring person namjoon. I am glad I could see your real side. I am sorry..... I know you are a warm hearted person and you did everything because you consider me as a friend or maybe because I have your child but I am a stupid naive woman . I am an emotional fool who has never received so much comfort and warmth ever in my life. I .. I never had someone take care of me , look after me, worry for me, wipe my tears . And I misunderstood you" You sadly scoffed. " I fell for you Kim namjoon. I fell in love with you so hard that now it hurts because I know I shouldn't have. I broke your rule. I am pathetic aren't I?" You looked at him but he was too stunned to speak and not receive an answer only broke you more.

"And now it's impossible for me to control my feelings . It hurts , you know more than your words, the realization that we were no more than friends broke me. I was living in a dream; a beautiful but still a dream that I was woken from that night. I realized that I was imagining everything, I was imagining that we were a family, I thought we had become a family of three , me, you and Yun with a fourth on its way. But you can't blame me okay? You brought an orphan who had never seen a family, who had never experienced any love. It's not my fault that all the love and warmth make me dream things."

You pressed your lips in a thin line to prevent yourself from sobbing. It was after a few deep breaths you could continue.

" But thankfully now I have woken up, I can't be an emotionally wrecked heartbroken fool when I have a son to take care of. A son who had fought the biggest battle of his life at such a tender age. He has just been born again and I have to be there for him so I will stop this. I will stop my feelings for you, i will stop loving you, I can't afford to be a lovesick woman.Thank you so much for everything mr. kim but this is where I draw the line. I will take care of your child for 2 more months and then we can separate our ways."

Namjoon just blinked at you with so many emotions but nothing he was able to express . Hearing all your vulnerable and raw emotions left him completely speechless.

"Hi princess, You awake"

You immediately wiped your tears before turning to your brother who sat beside you.

"How do you feel now? You know you made me so worried!" Bam exclaimed, hugging you lightly .

"I am okay. How is Yun?" You turned to his side, completely ignoring the presence of the third human in the room you had just poured your heart to.

" He is okay, still asleep. Everyone left, Mr. Kim i think you should leave too now that you have seen Yn. only one person is allowed to stay"

You didn't even turn to look when Namjoon silently made his way out of the room. You had thought alot about this, but you hadn't thought you would have this conversation in a hospital room but then the more you see him the harder it became so you knew it was best to not delay it.

It would be a lie if you said that you felt any better after it, it was crushing you to say those words instead you wished you could just hold his hand for as long as possible and be by his side like before . Only if this stupid feelings hadn't come in between you could continue being friends even after the delivery .

.

.

.

.

.

.

Bam was still awake sitting beside your sleeping figure. It was early morning, the sun hadn't even risen yet. The entire night he didn't sleep a wink.

He was right outside listening to the entire conversation.

He never saw your emotional and vulnerable side. He couldn't stop hearing the pain in your voice.

I am pathetic aren't I?

You brought an orphan who had never seen a family, who had never experienced any love.

I am an emotional fool who has never received so much comfort and warmth ever in my life. I .. I never had someone take care of me , look after me, worry for me, wipe my tears

Your every word rang in his head over and over again. You never shared much about your life in the orphanage or after it. He knew nothing about the pain and hardship his little sister had endured for her entire life and that made him feel like a horrible brother.

When he was living a luxurious life studying abroad in a big and prestigious school his sister was struggling to get food on her plate.

I am so sorry princess, wish I could do something to take away your pain. I might not be able to change the past but I promise you won't have to go through any of it again. You will get all the love and care you deserve. Your family will be by your side no matter what. 

______________________

I want honest opinions about this chapter and Yn's entire monologue.
This chapter was hard one to  write.

Have you checked out "Blood war"? Don't forget to add it in your libraries!

Don't forget to vote and comment. Last part didn't receive that much love . Can we get 130 votes on this one?

Take care.
Stay safe and healthy