What a Catch - Phan

Explaining

A/N: Sorry Emily ik you don't like author notes but I have one thing to say. JAPHAN. Hehe.

Trigger warnings: There is one section which I have marked out about self-harm. I didn't describe it just leading up to it and after it bc I don't really like having to explain cutting to people and I don't want to trigger anyone really badly nor do I want to sound as if I'm promoting it.

Still Dan's POV

I took my phone from Hannah's grip. There was no mistake, it was definitely me. I couldn't believe that Phil would actually do that. He was the soft, cuddly kind one who everyone liked for who he was. He hated shouting and he only shouted when he was really angry or annoyed at something. Ugh I had been such an idiot. Why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I explain everything? He took it completely the wrong way, but now I'll lose any respect that people ever had for me, and the Phandom will hate me forever. I swore inwardly while still staring at the picture, Hannah looking at me awkwardly.

"Maybe you could still talk to him?" She suggested hopefully.

"But I can't can I? Because even if I talk, even if he understands that picture will always be out there. Everyone is always going to hate me now and even if there's the slightest possibility that Phil and I do get back together, everyone is going to hate him as well because they won't understand why he would trust me enough to be my boyfriend again after everything that happened. People will always be reminding us of that picture, and besides, Phil would never normally do something like this. He's beyond mad. He wouldn't listen to me for a second whatever I told him. He was always the one who was cool, calm and collected. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He would never do something like this unless it was 100% serious. He did it for all of our subscribers. He did it to show them the truth. They deserved it. They deserved to know if I was kissing someone else whilst trying to get back with him. It's all my fault. Everything has messed up and it's all. My. Fault."

"Daniel James Howell shut it. This isn't your fault. Tell Phil to expect a visitor. I'm going round there." Hannah said sternly, before walking to the front door.

"Hannah no this is stupid." I said, but she ignored me and just left. I followed her and when I caught up to her picked her up, knowing she wouldn't not go without a fight. I was right. Once I picked her up, she kicked my shins and slapped me, and as soon as my grip loosened, she wiggled herself free and ran off. I sighed and stared, knowing I wouldn't win.

Hannah's POV

I felt so terrible. Dan had been my best friend for years, and I had mucked up our friendship by kissing him. Sure, we had a lot of chemistry. But that was years ago, when we were in Sixth Form. Now he was a full-time Youtuber and part-time radio host, earning a fair amount of money and travelling all over the world. Then there was me. The desperate, lonely 23-year-old with a hopeless attempt at a social life, still living with her parents because she doesn't have a job nor any qualifications. Dan didn't know why, and he didn't need to know. It isn't his fault that I'm slowly falling apart; an old disused rag doll that no one wants nor likes.

It wasn't just kissing him that I felt bad about. Although he really shouldn't, he blamed himself for that. At least he didn't hate me for that reason, even if half the population of the world did, including his ex. It was the fact that I had hurt him that made me feel worse. Not just physically, mentally as well. I had slapped him quite hard; there was bound to be a mark tomorrow signalling that I had. But it's also the fact that I betrayed him. He probably knew that my meeting with Phil wasn't going to go well, as I did, and he tried to stop me, for my safety. Never once in the last half hour had he blamed me as he didn't want me to get hurt. Instead, I decided to take the blame in front of Phil, and all of his attempts to keep my identity secret had now gone to waste. He wanted to take the blame himself, but I went against him and did what I thought - and still believe - was right.