Coming for your heart

Chapter 98

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Armin POV

Fatigue was by his side, exhaustion a steady companion and hunger a feeling long forgotten and dismissed when Armin walked by Erwin's side, the silence between them almost unbearable and yet he was too afraid to say anything to the older man.

Mikasa had told him what this was all about. He was the distraction. The one to keep Erwin away from his office long enough so that she could find what they needed to take their next step and Armin couldn't help but feel like all of...this was slowly coming to an end.

Erwin's gaze was heavy on his form, the almost imploring look in his eyes awfully genuine.

"Say something."

Armin clenched his jaw and stopped walking, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"What am I supposed to say?", he whispered. "What do you want to hear from me?"

"You were the one who sought me out.", Erwin replied but didn't come closer. "Why?"

The truth would hardly suffice here.

"I...don't even know." He sighed and closed his eyes. The pounding in his head wasn't as painful as the aching of his heart. "You were out there. You...those people...Erwin, why did you do it?"

"I had to."

Armin exhaled and pressed a hand against his chest. "You killed them. All of them." It hurt him more than he would ever admit that the man didn't deny it. That he couldn't deny it. "You know, those weren't only strangers."

"What do you mean?"

"Two of my friends..." He swallowed and turned away from Erwin, facing the wall of the hallway. "Two of my friends were in Dauper when...when it..." He felt tears prickling in the corners of his eyes when a pair of strong arms hugged him from behind and a familiar chin came to rest on his scalp.

"I am sorry, Armin.", Erwin rasped. "Truly. I am. And I don't know what to tell you. I hated this as much as you do. The blood on my hands won't ever disappear and I can't bring you back the ones you've lost."

Armin suppressed a sob and gritted his teeth. He hated feeling so weak. Like the small child from Shiganshina who had nothing but his books and knowledge while everyone else was using him as a punching bag.

He shrugged Erwin's arms off.

I can't do this. I'm sorry, Mikasa.

"I need to look after Lio.", was the only thing he said before he left Erwin behind. He walked and walked and walked through the sheer endless hallways of the palace until he had finally brought enough distance between them. He inhaled deeply, clutching the rim of his shirt as he tried to get his breathing under control.

It hurt.

It hurt so much. To know what Erwin had done. No matter the reasons. He had lost Connie and Sasha to the king's vengeful orders but it was Erwin who cooperated – willingly or not. For a while he simply stood there, not caring if anyone saw him crying.

He pressed a hand on his mouth and put the other one on his hip, waiting for the hysteria to leave him alone. Tears rolled down his cheeks and his breaths came ragged and hard, making his lungs burn.

Connie. Sasha. He saw their faces. Heard their voices. Remembered old and recent conversations. And he wanted to mourn their deaths. He wanted to weep, to grieve and to scream at the Gods. But Eren and Mikasa – the future of Eldia was counting on him holding it together.