natasha romanoff one shots

let you down again

My relationship with my parents was rocky, to say the very least. Since the day I came out to them, at the age of 15, my relationship with them has been somewhat turbulent. Some days they would shout at me, drilling it into my head that this was just a phase, as if me being attracted to women was my choice and not a part of who I am. Some days I would get the silent treatment and get radio silence for weeks upon end. Sometimes they would ignore the fact I even told them and treat me like they did when they believed I was straight. Which somehow, was the best of all three options. At least then they were communicating with me. At least, in those moments, I could feel the love they gave me when I was younger, even if part of my identity was sacrificed for it. 

This continued until the present day. The familiar cycle of anger, silence and ignorance. None of that changed, even now that I had a girlfriend, Natasha. They still managed to pretend it was a phase and that I was straight, despite the fact I was dating a woman, and had been for a long time. I had told them about her a while ago, in hopes it might change their view on me. In hopes that I could experience, just once, what other people felt when they told their parents about their partner. All it caused was a six month long silence. Six months without a single word from them. Not a text, a phone call, a birthday card. Six months and counting.

Natasha had been there to support me through the initial pain. The gut-wrenching disappointment that followed the 'We don't want to hear about it' text. The twist in my heart when the remainder of my messages were left unread. Her arms held me close as my body shook with silent tears. Her hands wiped away the mascara falling down my cheek. Her fingers ran through my hair to calm me until the sobs began to subside. She supported me through the countless nights of sleeplessness. The numerous nights of me checking my phone after every notification, to check if it was them. The mornings I'd wake up, check my phone, and cry when I was met with a blank screen. 

Nothing could have got me through that pain if it weren't for Natasha. Every day she would remind me that I was enough. That they didn't deserve to be in my life if they didn't accept me. She would remind me that she loved me, that I was beautiful, that I never needed to change. But still, deep down in my bones, I craved nothing more than the hug of my mother or my father saying he was proud of me. The childish naivety still hoped for the day that phone would ping with their names, telling me they loved me for who I am. That they wanted to meet Natasha. I longed for it every day. Until one day, it came.

As I tidied the kitchen after cooking breakfast, I noticed a text come up on my phone. Thinking it was Natasha asking me how I was seeing as she was out, I picked it up without hesitation. The text I saw nearly made me drop my phone in the sink.

Mama: We're in town. Lunch soon? You, me and dad.

My heart stopped in my chest. My mother had reached out to me. Offered to go to lunch. I had been waiting for this moment for months and now that it finally happened, I immediately forgot everything my mother had done wrong. All the countless wrongdoings over the past however many years. The fact she had left me in silence because I had proven to her I wasn't straight. Of course I forgot it all. The inner child in me just needed her mother and she was not going to pass up on the opportunity. 

I quickly replied.

Me: Hi Mama! Yes, today? How about Café Rouge at 1?

Seeing as it was already 11, I rushed to shower and get ready as quickly as possible. As I was drying my hair, Natasha walked into my bedroom and looked across at me sceptically. I gazed up at her with a beaming grin and gave a little wave. 

"You're cheerful today. Where are you off to?" Natasha asked, giving me curious smile.

"Meeting my parents for lunch." I replied. The smile on Natasha's face immediately dropped into a small frown. 

"You're doing what?" 

"Meeting my parents for lunch, they're in town and my mom offered to go out." I responded with a crease forming between my eyebrows. Why wasn't she happy?

"Y/N, they've ignored you for 6 months. SIX! That's not fair on you." Natasha tried to reason with me.

"So? They've now reached out. They do this all the time. It'll all go back to normal after this, trust me." 

"Babe, they're going to let you down again. They always do." 

Anger began to boil within me. I couldn't stop myself from snapping at Natasha.

"You know nothing about my parents, Natasha, you have no right to tell me whether I can or can't see them."

"Look, I never said you can't see them. And I know I don't know them, Y/N, but I know you. They've done this to you before and you always end up hurt. I just don't want you getting hurt again." Natasha remained calm and collected despite my sudden outburst of anger. I rolled my eyes.

"Ok, well, I'm leaving now. It's going to be fine." I pushed past Natasha in the doorway, not bothering to give her a kiss goodbye.

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2 hours later I was sat at the table in Café Rouge. Alone. My parents were over an hour late and I was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to show up. Back to silence. No responses to my texts, no picking up my calls, no apology. I should've listened to Natasha. I should've listened to my gut. Nothing would ever change. They're still the same homophobic people I knew when I was 15. They would never be the loving parents I knew when I was 14. Not anymore. 

The waiter told me to leave. They'd held the table for long enough but if I wasn't going to order then I'd have to leave. Tears pooled in my eyes as I walked back to my apartment. I took the longest route possible as to avoid going back to Natasha. I was so defensive of my parents and she was right the whole time. I knew she was right but I refused to listen and I snapped at her. The thought of going back to face her was just embarrassing. I needed time to myself to clear my head, to pretend that this whole ordeal hasn't bothered me. 

Eventually, I unlocked the door to my apartment. Natasha was lying across the sofa watching a rerun of Glee, a tub of ice cream in her hand. 

"How was lunch?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the screen. I fought back the lump in my throat and the tears that threatened to fall.

"They... uh, they didn't show up." I managed to croak in my steadiest voice possible. Natasha looked away from the TV then, observing my face slowly for any signs of me being upset. I tried to hide them, but she was too talented at reading emotions, so I turned and pretended to busy myself with some mail on the side. "Go ahead then. Tell me that you told me so. That you were right all along and that they let me down again." 

Natasha said nothing. She simply walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, tucking her chin onto my shoulder. Tears began to fall down my cheeks at her touch. She slowly turned me so I was facing her and kissed my cheeks where the teardrops had fallen. Then she pulled me into a tight hug, stroking the back of my head softly.

"Shhhh. Shhh, princess. It's okay. Let it out." 

I nuzzled impossibly closer, relishing her warmth and the smell of her vanilla shampoo. The slow rise and fall of her chest lulling me into a slightly calmer state, though the tears still tumbled from my eyes.

"I'm sorry I snapped out you. I really wanted to believe they'd changed but they haven't. I should have listened to you." I cried into her shoulder.

"It's okay. We all want our parents sometimes, I get it. I am so sorry that they let you down, Y/N. Truly." 

I pulled out of the embrace to place a delicate kiss on Nat's lips. It was soothing and relaxing and it reminded me that she was the only person I truly needed in this world.

"I'm so glad I have you. Thank you for not being all 'I told you so' when I got back. I think it would have broken me." I joked quietly, looking into her forest green eyes.

"I did tell you, though." Natasha teased, giving me a cheeky wink. I slapped her softly on the arm and rolled my eyes. She dragged me to the sofa, pressed play on Glee and handed me the tub of ice cream. Until sunrise the next day, we snuggled on the sofa in a peaceful bliss. Family is often chosen. And I am so glad that Nat and I chose each other.