Train Wreck

sixty-two

This could be home, couldn't it?  I turned around to survey the barn in the distance, giving myself a moment to breathe.  My body shook at the weight of the basket packed with kitchen utensils but so I kept moving, aware we would get a full tour in time. Our prescription medications were in my bag but I knew better than to take narcotics when I had to be functional. I could offer Tylenol after we got the car unloaded and once Remi snapped out of his current state.

Another moment on the porch gave me all the strength I needed to face Remi and his demons. I could visualize the haze lifting, giving me the opportunity to show him I was still there.

That I would not leave him. Not by my choice.

The more we reminded one another of our consistency, the more it would wipe away memories of all we lost.

Once the car was unloaded and pizza arrived we were able to take some Tylenol and sit at the kitchen counter for our meal. The rickety old stools were not as comfortable or sturdy as ones at my house but they were good enough to rest a moment while stuffing our faces.  Benji was thrilled, devouring his barbecue chicken pizza with happy sighs and satisfied smiles between bites.  I was exhausted but felt my stomach grumble as soon as he unwrapped sides of cheese bread with marinara.

Benji giggled, poking my stomach, "Hungry, Liss?"

"Guess so!  All that running around is good for the appetite, eh?" I said lightly, washing my hands before I settled in to sit on a stool between the boys.

We chatted about our progress and nonsense, keeping everything as light as possible.  I was horrified that Remi allowed Benji to scrub the insides of our kitchen cabinets by balancing on the kitchen counters but thankful he got down safely.  Beep's daredevil streak always causes my heart to race but he's more coordinated than ever thanks to balancing on a boot for over a month.

I struggled with knowing how to protect him without being overprotective.  My eyes drifted to him as he wiped sauce from his face, laughing at something Remi said.  Even his features were more mature after just weeks here in Tulip Tree.

He's growing up before my eyes.

The small boy that was never without a car in hand was now growing into a man.  Soon he'd be driving his own car, taking on new adventures without my guidance.

It was terrifying with a hint of excitement thrown in.

"This was a great idea," Remi grinned, setting down his napkin after he finished another slice of calzone. He reached for the cheese bread but hesitated, "Ugh, should I?"

Benji laughed, "Nope, don't do it, bro. Just breathe and eat more later."

They shared a laugh while I finished my Slurpee from the grocery store before standing to grab a Coke from the fridge. "Thanks again for wiping everything down, Beep. You did a great job!"

"It was already clean, so all I did was make sure it looked nicer." He shrugged off my compliment easily but I saw the pride in his eyes as he looked to Remington for more validation.  Remi rewarded him with a grin and slap on the shoulder before reaching over to take a pizza crust off his plate, causing a play fight over who gets leftovers.

After staring at the leftover food I gasped, quickly scurrying to my newly installed whiteboard and writing "TUPPERWARE" on the list of items to grab underneath hardware, dish towels, and wooden spoons.

"Oh! What about measuring cups and stuff?" Remi asked, now chewing another piece of calzone that was noticeably smaller than his last.

"Ooohhh good call, bro," Benji dipped the other half of the calzone slice in marinara before taking a huge bite.