Emotions

I Am Happy

I get dressed as fast as I can and rush towards the hospital. God, please let him be alright. Please. I beg you.

I park my car and run towards the hospital. The white walls and the smell of antiseptic brings back bad memories, making my stomach turn, but I push them aside. I find the reception and, before I ask which room he is in, I am stopped.

"Hey, You are his victim, right? I am his brother. Come on, I will take you to him," A doctor in his mid-twenties approaches me.

"Hi. Is he alright?" I question, urgency filling my voice.

"He will tell you," He smiles sadly. Now that I look at him clearly, his eyes are red and swollen. Was he crying? We take an elevator, and he leads me to his room.

"Here. Go in. He is waiting," The doctor gives me a sad smile and leaves. God, please. I take a deep breath and open the door. Then I see him.

There are endless tubes connected to him, and his face looks so pale, having no sign of life. His eyes are closed, making me realize how serious it is. The faint beep of the heart monitor made me let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I sit on the plastic chair beside his bed and take his hands in mine, trying not to move the tubes. His eyes slowly open at the contact, and he gives me a weak smile.

"Hi, Iris," he greets, his voice hoarse. The beautiful blue eyes that were full of life have lost their light.

"Hi, Teddy," I reply, my voice shaky.

"How are you?" I question.

"Fit as a fiddle," He tries to joke but ends up coughing. I hand him the water kept near his bed. He sits up with some difficulty and drinks the water.

"Much better now," He grins. He looks bonier than usual, and his cheeks look so hollow, making him look like a skeleton.

"I lied," He starts, tears welling in his eyes. I patiently wait for him to continue.

"I don't have hyperthyroidism. I have lung cancer," My heart shattered into a million pieces at those words. Somehow at the bottom of my heart, I knew. I knew he was lying about his sickness. I just didn't want to accept it. I was deluding myself into thinking that he was alright.

"You are getting better, right?" I ask, dreading the answer. There are a lot of treatments and so many survivors. I am sure he will be fine. Right?

A moment of silence passes between us, and he looks at me with tear-filled eyes and shakes his head lightly.

No.

My heart feels like it is being stabbed with hundred needles. Pain. That is the emotion I am feeling now. I wait for him to tell me it is a joke and that he will get better. But I get the confirmation I need when silent tears run down his cheek.

Not worrying about the tubes, I launch myself at him, wrapping my arms around him and hiding my face in the crook of his neck. Hot tears run down my cheek, wetting his hospital gown. I am crying.

Teddy carefully wraps his arms around me, silently trembling. The thought of him being in pain makes me sob harder.

"I am sorry. I am sorry for not telling you sooner. I just wanted to enjoy the time I have left without making you worry about me," Teddy whispers. His broken voice completely broke the ice surrounding my heart. The black empty void is filled with emotions. Sadness, anger, regret and pain.

"Don't. Don't apologise. Please," I beg.

Minutes pass, but I refuse to let go of him, afraid that I will only find his limp, lifeless body. But the heart monitor beeps, letting me know that he is here. I let go of him, and see the huge stain on his gown from my tears.