Double Trouble Disco Dance

1

This fic will contain switch!Zhongli and twin!Ajaxs (Tartaglia is an abusive man and attempts to top Zhongli or show other signs of toxic masculinity towards him and Childe is a simp that wants to get stepped on). If you've ever read The Remarried Empress on Webtoon - Tartaglia is basically Sovieshu and Childe is Heinrey. If you can't handle the idea of Zhongli being a switch please leave me alone and go read something else - I have plenty of other top!Zhongli fics out there (and Tartaglia is never going to have his way because I want you to hate him and support Childe - but that doesn't mean Childe won't get to top Zhongli at some point so if it happens, it happens, and you've been warned).

Genshin fans moreso than other fandoms get very intense with their shipping dynamics so I'm just telling y'all ahead of time because I want to avoid annoying comments. Ty, and carry on.  

. . .

"Everyone is out to kill me," Tartaglia grabbed his face, dragging the blood on his fingers down his forehead. He flung the sword in his hand down to swat the blood off. "Everyone," he looked over his shoulder at his most trusted advisor. 

"Your Majesty-" Scaramouche stepped forward but was greeted with a blade to his neck. 

"Swear your loyalty or you will end up like these men," Tartaglia gestured to the ground. "Swear it." 

"Your Majesty," Scaramouche began, not threatened by the blade. "I have been most loyal to you all of these years. Please do not take my loyalty lightly." 

"They're going to poison me next...I can feel it," Tartaglia dropped the sword and held his face in his hands. "Who should I kill then? Who needs to be put in their place?" 

Scaramouche lifted his hand and pulled it back. He sighed, biting his tongue to refrain from speaking. 

"They're going to kill me...they're going to kill me..." Tartaglia muttered over and over again. 

...

"Wait, why aren't we allowed to perform in the city?" Childe raised his hand to ask the question. 

"Because somebody wanted to make fun of the emperor!" Teucer crossed his arms and glared up at Childe. "Now we aren't allowed to perform anywhere because people are scared he will find out about it!" 

"Okay, okay, but hear me out," Childe grinned. "It was funny, wasn't it?" 

"Funny if you want to get your neck tied to a noose!" Kaeya jumped on Childe and grabbed his neck, toppling them both to the ground. 

"Oh dear," Lisa sighed, shaking her head. "How do you plan on making back the money we've lost because of you?" 

"I-" Childe was cut off by Kaeya continuing to wrestle with him. He laughed, pinning Kaeya to the ground finally. "I can make it up somehow! I'll go into town and beg if I have to." 

"I'm counting on that," Lisa crossed her arms. 

...

Scaramouche walked the alleys of the capital. He sighed, lowering his hat to avoid making any eye contact. 

"Could you spare some mora?" a beggar lifted a cup to him. He brushed past, walked a few steps, and then turned around. Scaramouche stared, bewildered at the beggar. "Change your mind?" 

"You..." Scaramouche lifted him off of the ground and stared at him closely. "What is your name?" 

"Childe?" 

"Do you not know your own name, beggar?" 

"I do-"

"No, you don't," Scaramouche grinned, eyes lighting up with a sadistic hope. "Your name is now Tartaglia, Emperor of Fatui." 

"W-what?" 

...

The two stared at each other, confused for a moment. It was as if looking into a mirror but each was appalled by the other. Childe, because he saw the most hideous version of himself in the emperor. Tartaglia, because he saw the weakest parts of himself in Childe. They continued to stare until Tartaglia tilted his head back and grabbed his own stomach, cackling. 

"Perfect! Beautiful! Scaramouche, you've done it again!" Tartaglia turned on his heel and grabbed Scaramouche's neck, lifting him in the air. "I could kiss you if you weren't so disgustingly similar to that woman in appearance. 

"Your Majesty," Scaramouche choked, resting his hands lightly on Tartaglia's arms. 

"This man will act as my body double," Tartaglia grinned. "He will take all of the poison for me!" He dropped Scaramouche who then rubbed his neck, gasping for air. 

Tartaglia tore off his emperor's robe and draped it lightly over Childe's shoulders. "Become me," his lips curved upward. "Until I can weed those traitors out. You will become me," his eyes widened with a crazed look. Childe realized how terribly wrong his impression of the emperor was...he wasn't something to joke about. The man was completely off his rocker. 

...

"What am I supposed to do?" Childe shifted awkwardly in the layers of clothes. "I don't know how to act!" 

"For one, keep your mouth shut," Scaramouche glared. "The more you speak the more people will know you aren't who you say you are. If you want to live, be quiet, and let me do the talking. The only things you say are 'Very well' or 'no' and I will cue you as to which should be said when," Scaramouche snapped. 

"You're not very..." 

"Excuse me?" Scaramouche's eyes shot daggers and Childe shut up. "Now then," Scaramouche tapped the riding crop in his hand in the palm of his other hand. "Fix that posture!" He slapped Childe's back with the riding crop. "I need to get you into suitable emperor shape before tomorrow!" 

...

Childe looked both ways and snuck out of his bed chambers via the secret passage he'd found. He ran out to the garden and stumbled over his feet. Catching himself, he let out a long breath and stared up at the sky. He placed his hands on his hips and sighed. "That's quite the view." 

"I didn't realize you enjoyed stargazing," a voice spoke from behind. Childe turned to lay eyes upon the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. His hair was long and draped over his shoulders. He, too, was in nightly robes. The tips of his hair were golden, shining more brightly when the moonlight touched it. His eyes had a unique pattern. Childe had never seen anyone like him before but he knew who he was. Everyone and their second cousin knew of the emperor's legal spouse. A beautiful tribute that had been offered from the neighboring Liyue Empire under the guise of friendship. In all reality, most people had just assumed the current empress, Ningguang, had given him away to keep him from taking her spot as ruler. 

"They're quite beautiful," he looked up at the sky. 

"You sure are..." Childe choked, regretting every life's choice he'd made up until that point. His heart fluttered in his chest. He'd never had such a reaction to anyone before. 

"Pardon?" he looked back at Childe. His face seemed even more stoic the longer he stood there. 

"It's getting cold, perhaps we should retire for the night," Childe corrected his posture and tried as best as he could to imitate Tartaglia. He had no idea what he was doing but he knew for sure he must've ruined his one job already. The royal spouse stared at him, not breaking eye contact for one moment. Childe could feel a cold sweat break out. 

"Quite right," he turned around and began walking. Childe walked a bit faster to catch up. 

"May I escort you to your chambers?" Childe noticed him flinch upon the request. "I meant no harm!" Childe corrected, wondering if he had made it sound like he wanted to invade the royal spouse's bed. "I simply am offering my company...I had no ulterior motives! Well," Childe corrected himself. "I have one ulterior motive." 

"Is that so?" the royal spouse quickened his pace so Childe did as well. 

"To spend a bit more time with you," Childe smiled.