Roots and Oxygen

Chapter 50 - Abscond

Not my dumb self accepting too many drawing orders for Christmas and having no time or energy to update for 7 weeks but anyways I'm back- again. Can I just say you guys are the bee's knees, the milk to my tea, the socks for my cold feet, loud laughter after my jokes . . . and some of the most supportive fans ever like damn, you're so patient and I love you all so much!

Also, if you're 14+ please join my Discord server for the latest updates on chapters! (there's a link in my bio) I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Years!

- Sian

Sage sat up and straightened out his jumper. He wanted to sink into on the bench and stare up at the leaves until his neck hurt, but he didn't dare slouch in his mother's presence. She glided across the field as if the wind carried her. Sage linked his fidgeting hands when she got close enough to say her greetings.

"Hi," Sage muttered, still frustrated, but not enough to be impolite.

The Queen sat next to him, settling herself onto the bench with a content sigh. "It still looks grand even from a distance," she said, staring at the Palace.

"Especially at a distance," Sage grumbled. The Palace was so huge, you could barely take in even a fraction of its beauty up close.

His mother's eyes then turned to face him. He felt her glare as if the sun had parted through the clouds and shone hotly onto his dark skin. His mother didn't say anything for a long while, and Sage felt more and more exposed in her presence.

"You didn't mean what you said at breakfast, did you?" she finally asked in a voice as soft as the swaying of the leaves above them.

Sage wanted to make her feel better by saying no, he didn't mean it. But he couldn't lie, so he shrugged and tightly linked his fingers to stop him from pulling out the threads in his jumper. He didn't have to look at his mother to know she had pursed her lips, always hating silent replies.

"Talk to me." The Queen touched his shoulder. "What's going on?"

"You know what's going on," Sage replied bluntly. "You know I have a hard time being out in the public. You know the whole country scrutinises everything I do. You know I'd be hated as a king. I can't live the rest of my life like that, even if it's my duty, I just can't."

"If you abdicate, they won't just hate you, they'll loathe you."

"Yes," Sage agreed bitterly. "They'll loathe me either way."

"Son, you have to be stronger than this. We all have doubts, and you'll one day understand-"

"I've never been stronger. Admitting to you how I really feel is one of the hardest things I'll ever do. I've been such a coward in the past, but I can't go on this way." A voice in the back of Sage's head was screaming at him to tell her that he was gay. "It has taken so much of my courage to tell you this. Please don't sweep it under the rug by telling me I'll be fine tomorrow, or the week after, and that it's just normal to doubt this. You didn't have this hatred from the public, you don't understand how much I dread going out, having to hear them yelling horrible things and asking horrible things just to make me frown or get upset for their own amusement."

"You're Prince Sagerian Greenthenor," was all his mother offered as a reply. "You can get through this."

Sage shook his head, wounded for pouring out his heart. "And what if I can't? Because I don't feel like I want to even bother trying. The public love Oxley, he'd make such a modern Monarch."

"Don't even think about putting this pressure onto your brother. When you left the dining hall, he panicked badly at the thought of being King. He might have been stubborn in the past and wished to have an equal role in this family, but he never once thought you'd ever say anything like that and mean it."