Yoonjin First

Not a Sunshine day

NAMJOON POV

"Sorry  hyung I kind of break your moment" embarrassment still all over my face. " Well Joonie,  you breaking things is nothing is going to shock us at this point of the way, lol" oh no, Yoongi following Jins sense of humour, OK may be was not such a bad thing  to break the moment, before it gets into a irreversible damage.

" Hyung!" I demanded almost a childish pout forming on my lips "you are my serious hyung, this is important". -" Sorry Joonie, you are so right, I can't control my happiness today, my bad" and straight away Yoongi switched to serious mode.
" Never apologise for your happiness hyung, if one of us deserves that happiness is you, life was really hard on you, I am so glad to see you finally next to the most important person of your life." I suddenly felt so stupid, worring Yoongi with my problems in such an important day for him. " You know what Yoon, I think you should join Jin in that shower, my question was silly and it can wait anyway" I felt the urge to leave the room as soon as possible, why am I here in the first place? Am I trying to get an approval on my cowardice, an excuse to don't blame it on me, an encouragement to do the right thing? Why do I feel this hunger for help and at the same time this feeling of loose before I even try.

Yoongi grasp on my wrist and stopped me, pushing me back to sit next to him on the bed, " it is Hobi, right" -"w- what? nah.... yeah, is it that evident? Is it him the only one who doesn't realise my feelings? Or..." A sudden epiphany, the moment of realisation: (slowly mumbling each word) "yeah, of course, he did, but he just don't feel the same so it is better to ignore....me"

"Wow, wow, wow hold your horses man! That's to fast of a conclusion. Listen Namjoon for some stupid twist of fate, the person involved is always the last one to pick up on things, believe it or not I am very observant and you guys are my best friends, of course I care of what worries each one of the six of you. Please Joon give yourself one, only one chance. I truly don't know what Hobi feelings are towards you. However I do know that you two deserve a chance and he will never break your friendship, no matter how awkward  you think the situation will be between you if he finally rejects your love other than friends. This is not a loose situation, you will not loose anything and it is a lot to be won. Have you ever realised Hobi smile when he pays attention to you? Have you ever realised how proud he is of you? don't  get me wrong, we all are, but the way he express it. He never miss a chance on the interviews to point at your hard work. Have you ever realised how hard he works to learn English just to share all the weight on your shoulders when we go to other countries? Namjoon may be is time for you to blindly stare less at him and start to pay more attention to his doing" shit, my eyes are almost tearing, how can this man always get the emotions out of every situation.

" I feel a total looser, I never realised all that and even if he finally does love me just as a friend, he still deserves everything from me. Thanks hyungie, you are a true friend. I will not loose my chance, I will do all in my hands to deserve him" - " Joonie, you are not a looser, love is really a terrifying matter. It is easy to give advise, but yesterday I almost loose Jin for the same fear, even though he kept reassuring me he wanted me. Just stop punishing yourself and give it a try"

Days  became weeks and weeks became months, but after a long winter will always come an spring day. We were in YoonJin 100 days anniversary or mainly getting an excuse to gather all together for some drinks after a winter heavy on work. Neither of Yoon, nor Jin were fans of such celebrations, for these two everyday was a celebration since the day they accepted each other's love.

Hobi as usual radiating his sunshine personality, however today something was off, his infectious smile was never reaching his eyes, his eyes were telling an absolute different story.  Tae approached him with a third drink, my Hobi has a very low tolerance for alcohol. I grab the drink before it could reach his hand "Oh, our leader is thirsty!" He shout a bit louder than what it would be expected, ironically bowing at me " Hoseok you are getting tipsy, can I get you some water?" He was clearly offended now "Are you finally worry about me, leader? Sorry to be the embarrassment of the group. I will try to behave" He reach for my glass and left to talk to the maknaes. Fantastic now I am the third wheel of the couple.
Yoongi pecked on Jins lips and excused himself "He is too close to the swimming pool, I will be back in a minute"  Jimin recoilded bumping onto Hobi so YoonGi arrived just on time to catch him before ending up in the swimmingpool. Hoseok jumped on Yoongi's arms, proclaiming him as his official saviour, totally out of his usual self Hoseok buried his face on the crook of his neck and draw a line of small kisses along Yoon neck. I crossed a quick stare with Jin and he gulped " Go get your man before he regrets his next step to get you jealous"

I was really furious, not that I thought nothing would happen between the two, it was clear Yoongi devotion for Jin, but in some way, Hobi stupid game was getting out the worst of me.
I approached them and I grabbed him on my shoulder his upper body hanging on my back, he kept complaining and twisting while I restraing him tight all the way to my room. I let him fall on the bed and I grab a bottle of water " here, drink ALL that, slowly".
He tried to stand up but fail miserably, not even much strength required from me to push him back to bed, I was still furious but I try to calm myself down "What's  wrong with you today? I know is alcohol acting stupid on  you, but why are you drinking if you know you can't handle it. You better apologise to Jin and Yoon tomorrow"
Suddenly his face was calm, that weird calm just before the storm, his face a collage of disappointment, hurt and embarrassment, a single tear crossing his cheek, it was a hurtful image. Something  inside was telling me that 100 tears at this stage would be better than a single one and all the twist and complain, minutes ago better than the calm, resentful stare right across my eyes, trespassing me as ice needles.
"I am sorry Namjoon, can I now go to my room? I will apologise  to everyone tomorrow, now I need the rest, thanks for the water, I will take it to my room." What did just happen? What did I do? His face with no emotion, tired, extremely tired, desolation written all over his face, he stand up and reeling left towards his room. I felt an urge to shake him, to return life to his body, because that was what he looks like a lifeless body, my sunshine, my lifeless sunshine and I could almost hear how my heart was shattering in hundred pieces. Because deep inside I knew somehow I cause that pain.