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last TW for this book just in case: this chapter has SA and this entire book has a sensitive content warning (dark/heavy themes) every chapter is heavy, do not read if you are vulnerable or sensitive to such themes.
please don't read this if it will hurt you, my one shots book has TW's and has safe chapters for the most part if you need something else to read.
if you need help please please please message a loved and trusted person and seek assistance. You can message me and I promise I will help as much as I can, or even if you just need to talk I am really good at listening! I won't judge, I won't pry, but I will try to be there for you in (hopefully) the best way possible.
You are loved, you are beautiful. Don't forget that, no matter how hard things are right now.
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52.2
You sat on the cold floor of the bathroom, staring at yourself in the full-length mirror.
You didn't know the person who was staring back at you. The person who's dull hair hung limply, messily, knottily.
The thin face where cheekbones were scarily prominent, your lifeless eyes were blood shot with heavy, dark bags underneath. Even your eyebrows were unruly with the lack of attention, not that you cared.
You were ugly.
You weren't always.
You were happy once, two years ago before your mother died.
Before anything bad happened. Before your stepfather turned to drinking to cope with the loss of the woman he loved. Before your friends turned on you.
Before you ruined everyone's life.
Before you ruined your own life.
You wanted to punch the mirror that held your reflection but as soon as you stood up you fell backwards, weak with a dizzy spell. You sunk further to the ground and before you knew it you were awakening to realise you had missed the first half of school.
You didn't care for it though so you decided to stay put when you heard a noise. Not just any noise, but the noise. You heard your stepfather scrape his keys against your front door until they sunk into the lock. The sound of the keys twisting through the lock until it clicked open, then he stumbled through the front door.
You heard him calling your name with slurred speech. You hadn't seen him for four days. You hadn't dealt with him in four days.
He hadn't been home in four days.
You didn't move. You were frozen to the point where you were barely breathing.
You heard him knock something over in your small apartment but you couldn't figure out what exactly.
You knew he was getting closer to the bathroom, he would get to you one way or another so you didn't lock the door.
You tried to leave your own body but of course it didn't work that way, you couldn't do it no matter how badly you wanted to.
You didn't fight back, it wasn't an even fight. You knew it was no use and your weakened muscles failed to help. You let it happen, as always. It was easier that way.
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** a part of this book is about low self esteem, things i've noted in this chapter are not ugly**
you are truly beautiful, but i wrote this book when i was miserable (as you can tell) so i listed things i hated about myself, which aren't unattractive features rather my insecurities at the time of writing.
give yourself some love and appreciation, you are unique and so incredibly special.
