30. Moving On

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My gaze bounced between the passersby dodging Jim and me on the sidewalk and the stream of cars on the road

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My gaze bounced between the passersby dodging Jim and me on the sidewalk and the stream of cars on the road. Gathering the little courage I had left, I glanced at the university building. Several people entered it, but nobody walked out of there, looking for me, and the lump lodged in my throat grew ten times bigger.

I wished I didn't know. If only I could unlearn the truth and go back to believing my mother died. 

She didn't want me — what Jim told me last night was proof of that. The sliver of hope I felt died with each word of his. Even though warning bells rang in my ears, I decided to meet her. 

I wouldn't have asked her why. There would've been no accusations because it was impossible to force someone to love you. If she'd wanted to get to know me, she would've found a way. Doctor Miller made her choice, but it hurt me that she didn't acknowledge me despite knowing who I was. She could've said hello. If she'd done that, it'd still hurt, but way less than being treated as if I were a nobody.

“Ava.” Jim turned me around in his arms and pressed me flush to his chest, with one of his hands woven into my hair and the other one resting on the small of my back. 

I drew in a shaky breath. "Let's go."

Jim's lips brushed my forehead. He released me and clasped my hand in his as we strolled down the street in the opposite direction we'd come from.

I had no idea where we could go. Too many places waited to be discovered,  but instead of reading about the Spanish capital, I spent the previous evening learning things about my mother.

A pair of sunglasses hid Jim's eyes, but the way he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand gave away his concern. He must've feared I'd break down in the middle of the street.

An entrance to a park came into view. Jim led me through the gates, and once we were on a wide alley, surrounded by towering trees, he took off his shades and looked at me, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

“I want to ask you the worst of questions despite knowing the answer."

I managed a weak smile. "If I'm okay?"

"Yeah. There's a lake a bit farther. Let's sit there."

My sadness dulled the beauty of my surroundings. As Jim and I sat on a bench facing the artificial lake, my gaze wandered around, but I couldn't bring myself to appreciate the postcard-like image of the rowboats gliding along the smooth surface under the cloudless summer sky.

"I'm grateful you told me the truth," I mumbled, staring at my lap.

Jim took one of my hands in his and squeezed my fingers. "I needed to. I just hate that she ignored you. She could've said something or offered to meet you later if only to be polite. You crossed the ocean, for fuck's sake."

"She's sure of her decision. I just...I can't blame her for not wanting kids, and it would've been worse if she'd stayed with my dad without loving him or me. But it hurts anyway."

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