TW//ed//throwing up//withholding food//intrusive thoughts//sh//suicide mention//
violet's pov
i get to my room and just stare at the food
i used to do this when i was still living with my dad, i would go to the cupboards and just look at the food i wasn't allowed to have
my dad would get really mad when i did because he thought i was eating stuff and trying to hide from him
which i would do like once a month because he wouldn't let me eat at all and wil was really worried about me
i always told him he didnt need to be but he was completely correct, of course i didn't want him to be because i didnt deserve him as a friend or at all
violet the food
throw it out you cant any get fatter
im just gonna have a bite to see how it tastes and then ill throw it out
not good enough
ok i'll throw up the bite and throw out the food
fine. don't tell anyone like you did with the cutting
why would you tell dream, now he has to worry about your dumb self
honestly just kill yourself
no i cant do that, ill just cut again
but then they will find out and get pissed
they'll hit you just like dad did
he was the only one who was punishing you right
but he punished me for not eating, isnt that something i shouldn't but punished for?
no youre not supposed to eat, dont you want to be skinny for your fans?
girls are skinny
you're not a girl if you dont get skinny
youre right, youre right
of course im right, why wouldn't i be right
you're honestly kind of sounding like dad
then it clicked inside of my head
the voice
it only comes out when my dad isnt there and it says the same stuff my dad does
it is my dad
my mind made its own persona that makes me feel like shit because my dad isnt around
it honestly makes sense
no wonder why i hate myself
you're getting so off beat just hurry up and try the food so you can throw it up after
fine fine
i grab the now almost cold burger and take a bite of it
its honestly very good
don't eat anymore
you'll get more fat and everyone will hate you more than they already do
they dont hate me stop it
they're my friends
no theyre not
ok i know i said i would throw it up but im so close to eating it all and then getting sapnap or someone to distract me from throwing up
you'd be a burden to them, even more than you already are
YOU ARE READING
Tommyinnit Angst
RandomTommy is being beat by his father everyday. But a meet up with some of the dream smp could change everything. #10 in #eating disorder 05/12/21 #3 in #ed 05/27/21 #1 in #sadtommyinnit 05/30/21