Problems

|| CHAPTER 30 ||

HEY BABES

It has been TOO long LOL it feels like an awkward family reunion.

Anyway: I found the rest of the chapters in a crusty old file on my computer and I thought "why not" :)

It's almost done! This is probably the last angsty chapter of the book </3 I've loved torturing you guys but I've decided to give you all a break LOL

I missed you all so much omg, ENJOY

CW: Suicide

(last time with that content warning <3 )

X

His meds weren't working as fast as he had hoped...

It's been a few months, Alex, thankfully, doesn't feel numb anymore. He just feels... off.

It starts with a list.

All the things Alex wanted to do with his friends, all of the things they had never gotten around to- he made time for them.

He finished Gossip Girl with Lafayette, who made copious amounts of popcorn (and in doing so almost short-circuited the microwave in the student lounge). Alex ate every bowl Laf set in front of him, no matter the amount of butter and salt slathered across it. He could sense the relief that rolled off Laf's shoulders every time he ate something, and in return, he felt his own relief- that finally he wasn't being a burden.

He took the Schuylers to coffee, not just on campus, but in the city. They strolled through Central Park and fed the ducks, drinking coffee so strong it left sludge at the bottom of the cup while avoiding tourists and gaggles of joggers all dressed in extremely tight leggings and neon tennis shoes. Alex stared at the gray New York sky, taking in the cold air and the bustling city moving around him, as though it had a life of its own. The energy that surged through the masses was invigorating- so many people, so many dreams. It was overwhelming...and wonderful.

He'd miss it.

He helped Hercules design a line of clothing for one of his classes, though once he knocked over a stack of folded fabrics for the fifth time he was instructed to sit in the corner and watch Project Runway until he could differentiate velvet from velour. Alex supplied coffee and steamed dresses- which made his hair curl in ways that it hadn't since Nevis, and when Lafayette walked in on Hercules piling his hair into an updo worthy of one of the models on screen he had to walk into the hallway.

They could hear the cackling from his place on the stairwell.

It was the best few weeks of Alex's life- his friends finally happy, living the way that they should have been all along.

It was just another confirmation Alex needed- without him, they were better off. He had stumbled into their lives, screwed it up in ways that were unforgivable. He didn't want to see them suffer anymore, especially after seeing first hand how much of their lives he had screwed up.

Laf, who had discovered him almost dead on the bathroom floor.

Hercules, coaxing him through one of the worst panic attacks of his life, while they were supposed to be supporting John.

Eliza, the one that bandaged his arms and talked him through a breakdown bad enough to almost land him back in the hospital.

And John- the person he loved the most.

The person who he'd destroyed the most.

He had put John through so much...for what? His family life was a disaster, his school year had been one Alex-related incident after another.