Tsumetai (Season 1)

Chapter 13 - Thoughts of Desire

Chapter 13 – Thoughts of Desire

Again, I was at the roof of the academy. I found my peace here for I can think straight and no one would bother me here. That dream that I had ran through my mind. Why did I dream of such a thing? Do I really desire strength to the point of surrendering myself to the evil energy? Have I been blinded by strength?

I sat down on the spot where I talked with Elle earlier. I saw her in my dream as well. Does this mean that she has a significant part to play in my life? She tried to reason with me in my dream, but I still shunned her. When did I become this uncaring?

When you lose faith, you begin to doubt and that doubt is the source of strength of the darkness in one's being…

"Why is this happening to me?" I asked out loud. For the first time since long ago, I have felt a familiar sorrow catch up to me. I felt sad and scared now just because of that dream I had. Why do these things happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?

"Maybe it's because you seclude yourself all the time…" I had heard a voice said behind me. I looked back and saw Elle. It was surprising that she was talking to me even though I pushed her away earlier twice. (When she embraced me and when I told her to mind her own business about the Melfice challenge.) "That's not really the proper way of wearing the school uniform." She added when she had noticed that I was not wearing the school uniform jacket.

"Don't you have class?" I asked her coldly.

"The professor didn't make it. How about you?" she replied to me

"I don't feel like going to class." I replied to her coldly.

She sat down beside me again and said nothing afterwards. Why did I feel guilty around her? Was it because of the dream? Or was it because she was right about everything that she had speculated about me?

"Why do you still try to get closer to me? Even though I keep on pushing you away…" I said to her.

"Because, I care" Elle simply replied and I turned away from her.

"Why do you care about me? You barely know me." I replied to her.

She did not reply to my question. Figures, probably I was just her charity case in the batch.

"Do I need a reason to care?" she asked me back.

"There's always a reason behind every action of a person" I replied to her coldly

"Like you challenging Melfice to a fight? What's your reason for that huh? What do you hope to gain?" Elle asked me.

For the second time, Elle had made me speechless. What was my reason for challenging Melfice? It was unclear to my personally, but I knew that I had something to prove.

"Let me guess…You want to be stronger right?" Elle had said to me.

"I don't know…" I replied to her. "I guess I don't know after all…"

I stopped talking for a while. I felt so confused and out of my mind. Why did I desire to be stronger? What was the reason? I had so many questions in myself just after when I saw that dream. Secluding, pushing away, being uncaring, that's all I am good at and people see that. But Elle, this girl was actually reaching out to me. To the depths of my being just to make me feel less lonely about life. Then I looked back at her and she took off her headband and her bangs fell on her face but immediately she fixed it. She set down her headband on her side and let the wind blow on her hair.

"What's your reason then?" Elle asked me.

"For what?" I replied to her.

"Why do you desire to be strong?" she continued to ask.