Calum POV
"At least pretend to be happy," Michael put a hand on my shoulder, which I just brushed off.
"The girl I love doesn't know who I am. How am I supposed to be happy?"
"I didn't say be happy. I said pretend to be happy. We have a show tonight, Calum. Even though you're hurting, that doesn't mean you need to ruin the show. The fans have payed a ton of money. Don't let them down." After he finished, he walked out of the dressing room we were all sharing.
"You know, he's right, Cal," Ashton said, scooting closer to me on the couch. "You don't want to let anyone down."
"I've been let down before. They'll live."
"Look," he sighed, running a hand through his abnormally long hair. "I understand what you're going throu-"
"How could you possibly understand, Ashton?" I raised my voice, and stood from the couch. "Did the girl you were going to marry get in a car crash, because of you? Did the one person, that could make all the bad things in the world go away, forget who you are?"
"That's not what I meant, Calum."
"Then what did you mean?"
"I meant I know what it's like to go through I break up."
That's when realization hit me the hardest.
Break up.
My eyes flooded with tears, and I ran out of the room, leaving a confused Luke and Ashton behind.
They have never seen me cry. It's just not something I do very often. But knowing that I lost Ava... makes me feel so broken, so lost, and so hurt.
I think that I would feel a lot better if I knew she hurt as much as I do right now. But how could she feel bad, when she can't remember me?
I came to a sudden stop, when I realized where I was.
Deafening screams pierced through my ears, as I was getting pulled on in every direction.
I had somehow managed to find my way outside of the place we were playing at. But of course it couldn't have been the back, where it was fenced off from the fans. It had to be the front, where teenage fangirls were waiting in line to get into the building, most of them wearing shirts with One Direction's 'Midnight Memories' album cover on it, since we were opening for One Direction on this tour.
I was stuck in the middle of a crazy fangirl mob. It is the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced, even though it only lasted for about 2 minutes, because then they noticed my tear stained cheeks, and started telling each other to back off. A couple of them asked if I was okay, which I just nodded, while making my way back inside.
I may have dropped out of school, but I didn't think I was stupid enough to walk straight into fan territory, without a security guard.
*
"You're amazing! Thank you all for letting us play, we love you!" I screamed to the audience, before making my way off the stage, and back to the dressing room.
"You were great, Calum," Luke said, as he followed me into the big room.
"I sucked."
"Playing your bass, yeah, you sucked, but that's okay, cause every musician has bad days. But I meant you were great at pretending to be happy."
"You should go visit her," Ashton encouraged me.
"How am I supposed to forget her, if I go visit her?" I questioned.
"What about her mum, Calum?"
"What about her mum? I gave her the name of the hospital and the address, that's all she needs."
"Okay," Ashton nodded his head, as a long silence followed.
"Wanna go get some pizza?" Michael offered.
"No, I don't want to go get some pizza. I hate pizza," I lied. Pizza reminded me of her. That was kind of our thing. Whenever we would go on dates, we'd always get pizza, because she hated fancy restaurants.
"Okay, you're not thinking straight-"
"You're right! I'm not thinking straight, because the only thing I can think is Ava. Ava, Ava, Ava. I can't get her out of my mind and it's driving me insane!"
"All the more reason to go see her," Ashton smiled, while holding up the keys to his rental car.
I hesitantly grabbed the keys and ran to his car.
*
I sat in the parking lot of the car, trying to calm myself down, before I went in there.
I reached my shaky hand towards the radio, hoping there would be a song on there to calm me down.
But I was not prepared for it to be playing mine and Ava's song.
The song that was playing when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I listen to it when I miss her.
It's the song that reminds me of what we used to be.
The song that reminds me of what we never will be again.
The song that reminds me of what I lost.
