Break Me (Doctor Who Fanfiction)

Chapter 16 ― Having A Ball

“AJ, I believe I owe you a dance,” he said, referring to Amy and Rory’s wedding dance when he refused to dance with me.

“Of course,” I smiled. “It was nice dancing with you, Olberti,” I smiled to the half feline who smiled sweetly before walking away.

The Doctor placed both hands on my hips and I laid mine on his shoulders. Moving to the melody, we simply looked at each other for a long part of the song.

“I know I’ve said it already, but I must insist that look gorgeous tonight, AJ,” he stated.

If my cheeks weren’t already red, they were after that. I giggled slightly. And then in dawned on me, he was being rather nice and then I remembered that he knew exactly how I felt. That I had told him about my love for him and even kissed him. Maybe he had forgotten about all that, but I definitely didn’t. And a question came to mind: Did he love me back? He never did really say anything that day.

Maybe he didn’t say anything because he didn’t know I was half Time Lord so he thought I would die like all humans do and couldn’t be with me for that? It’s possible that this is a Doctor who hasn’t been to Demon’s run yet. But I doubted that, something told me he knew. It’s just possible that he simply didn’t feel the same and spared me the pain. All of this was running through my mind faster than we were spinning on the dance floor and I felt extremely light headed by the end of the song.

“I need some air,” I managed to mumble before almost running to the double doors that lead to a huge balcony with other aliens of all types, chatting away.

I went to the ledge and looked down, we were at least 5 stories high. My body was shaking nervously and I breathed in the night air, trying to calm myself down. But so many unanswered questions in my mind were driving me crazy.

“AJ, are you alright?” the Doctor approached me, looking very worried.

“Yes... I just needed some air,” I insisted.

“You don’t look like someone who just needs some air,” he gave me a look while leaning onto the balcony rail. “What’s wrong?”

I took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. On the inside, I was giving myself a pep talk. I wanted to know and I guessed the only way to find out was by asking, right? But I was so God damn scared.

“I-I... Shit...”I sighed in frustration.

“AJ, whatever you have to say, it can’t be that hard,” he encouraged me to get it out.

“Doctor, it is... It’s hard and it might ruin everything, but I have to know,” I insisted, helping myself as spitting it out at the same time.

I decided it was time I take life by the horns and looked up at him.

“You remember when you flew off in the Pandorica, Doctor?” I asked him, my heart beating louder than ever.

“Of course,” he frowned, trying to understand.

“Then you remember what I said to you before.”

His face turned understanding and then sad all in two seconds. Obviously, this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about.

“Yes, I do,” he nodded.

“I need to know, Doctor. I put myself out there on the line and I never got an answer back. You said nothing back!” I accused him, my eyes slightly tearing up.

“I said nothing back, because there was nothing to say, AJ. It was useless to tell you anything.”

“Because you were about to disappear, fine, I get that. But what about when you came back? You never said a word about it. You pretended it never happened. Why?”

“Because it was the best thing to do...” he sighed.

“Was it the right thing to do, Doctor,” I criticized him. “And now? What about now? Can you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” he questioned, getting frustrated.

“If... if you love me or not. If you feel the same, because I can tell you that not one second did I love you any less than back then,” I pleaded. “Hell, I tried to move on, see someone else, just ask Jack! But it didn’t work, all it did was hurt me when I found him cheating on me!” I added, a tear rolling down my cheeks as I shivered from the cold.

“You dated Jack? And he cheated on you?” he said, very surprised and seemingly angry.

“You’re avoiding the subject.”

“If I told you that I can’t tell you, what would you say?”

“Bullshit.”

“Well then I might as well say nothing at all once more,” he shrugged.

“Oh, please! What could possibly stop you from telling me if you love me or not. Just say yes or no, Doctor! Because if you are going to just set me back on Earth after all this, well I need to know to get on with my life,” I almost shouted as more tears ran down my face.

Many people had left the balcony since we arrived since there was a speech going on inside.

“Get on with your life by all means, AJ. You don’t need my answer for that.”

“It’s because you don’t love me, right? You don’t so you’re trying to spare me that pain...” I said, feeling so embarrassed. “Just say you don’t, I need to hear it...”

“It’s not that... I am trying to spare you some pain, but it’s not like that at all, trust me.”

“Could you leave me alone?” I asked, feeling humiliated.

“AJ-“ he started.

“Just for a moment. Please, go back inside, I’ll be out soon...”

“Of course...” he said apologetically and walked back into the ballroom.

As he left, I placed my hands on the rail of the balcony, looking down. Somehow, it was incredibly tempting to simply jump off. Free myself of my misery like I did are Leonardo’s mansion. Free myself of all the pain I was constantly suffering. Just go to sleep where no one could ever hurt me again... Did I really have something to live for?

I found myself on the other side of the rail before I knew what I was doing and I could feel my fingers slipping one after that other... When a horrible scream from inside brought me back to my senses and I panicked, fumbling to get myself back onto the balcony.

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