Discovering Mack

9| Nine

Single life had been an adjustment. It was lonelier than I thought it would be. I thought I would be totally ok with it, that I have been doing everything practically alone all along anyway so what difference does it make. But nothing prepares you for the complete silence and the absence of human presence when you were so used to it. For all of Noah's shittiness, I was missing the signs of life that I was accustomed to.

I had been spending a lot of time with Scarlett, Tristan and Mel. Scarlett had insisted I join her Pilates class, and even though I'm terrible at it, I've given it a go. If Mel wasn't over for dinner or just to hang out, then Tristan usually was. We would watch movies or sometimes just sit outside on a warm even and chat. It helped a little bit to fill the void of Noah being gone. Not that I missed Noah as such, just, a person.

That didn't mean I wanted to arrive home to find Noah sitting on my front doorstep for the second time this week. I had been thinking more along the lines of a housemate, or taking up Scarlett's offer of moving in with her.

On Monday, I had stepped off the tram and saw him sitting on the front step waiting for me, cigarette in one hand, the other running through his greasy, unwashed hair. He looked awful, like he had hardly slept, and he had clearly not showered by the stench of stale alcohol practically steaming off of him.

I managed to get rid of him fairly quickly and without a lot of fuss. I called Jamie and requested he pick him up, gave him water and even offered him food. He looked like he could use a good meal. He didn't talk, just watched me move about the kitchen with this faraway look in his eye. Before he left he said he missed me, and he wished we could go back to what we had.

"We can't Noah, I won't. For both our sakes, you need to move on with your life," I told him before shutting the passenger door. I thanked Jamie who looked at me with pity before he drove away.

I was getting used to the looks of pity by now.

When I told Tristan and Scarlett about it the next morning over coffee, Tristan insisted that if he showed up again I should text him and he'll come over right away. I told him it was fine, that he was harmless. Tristan insisted, reminded me that if Noah is using it could make him act out in an unpredictable way. Better to be safe than sorry. Scarlett agreed with Tristan.

Maybe I was too naive.

We had a late meeting tonight, followed up with an early dinner. Alex ordered Thai food for everyone and we stuffed our faces with roti bread, chicken satay, pad Thai and an array of curries. I enjoyed being with the people I work with, it hasn't been long, but they already feel like an extended family. People I was meant to find all along.

Being early March, the sun didn't usually set till after 8.30, so I felt safe heading home alone. Home to my empty house.

Only the house wasn't empty, Noah was here again. This time he wasn't waiting on the front step, instead he had let himself in. Or more, broken in because he had given me his key back. I later found out that the window to his old games room was open and he used that to climb inside. I hadn't been in that room, so I of course hadn't checked if the window was locked.

He was sat on the same dining chair he was on three nights ago. The only furniture I had left in the house. He was facing the front door waiting for me. Only this time he looked less broken and more manic. A wild look in his eye and a crooked grin on his face. I wished I had taken Tristan more seriously. Maybe then I could have been more prepared for this situation.

Although I'm not really sure how one can adequately prepare for their drug induced ex to show up inside their home.

I unlocked my phone quickly, sending a message to Tristan, 'he's here'. Two words that will hopefully be enough. My phone rang instantly, but I silenced it before Noah reacted.