Train Wreck

fifty-eight

"Do you?" I sat up straighter and stared at Benji as he continued, "Remington... I don't think you get it."

The insinuation that I did not understand the woman I loved was really getting under my skin.  I puffed out my chest and shrugged off his comments, shaking my head while I said, "Get what?"

"That Dad was a father figure to Liss. That she probably had thoughts in her head of him walking her down the aisle toward you on your wedding day. That maybe... just maybe... the idea of losing another Dad in her life was harder on her than you realize."  His voice was low and calm which cut through my pride far more effectively than a scream or lecture ever could.  Benji shook his head and took a bottle of Gatorade, walking out of the kitchen and back to his bedroom. 

I sat in silence as his words ran through my mind.

Lissy was still playing with Peach and I watched them together while tears ran down my face.

I had dreams like that.  Dreams of my Dad helping me find a suit since tuxedos are horrible, or seeing him celebrate my wedding day with a scotch outside in a garden the morning before I finally get married.

Did she actually have those thoughts?  Is Benji right?

It made sense... that never crossed my mind, but I guess in the middle of my own grief it was hard for anything else to get through.

Time must have passed as I considered Benji's words but I was startled by the sound of the sliding glass door opening. Peach yipped as she bounded inside, immediately pawing at me for a pet and treat.  Her tongue lolled out of her mouth with an excited expression in her eyes as I scratched her neck, staring into the amber eyes of this sweet puppy.

"Did you have fun outside with your Mama?" I asked, smiling at Peach before my eyes drifted to Alice.

"Oof, it's still hot out there!" Liss exclaimed, smiling at me. I looked closer and saw how red her eyes were and noticed trails left my tears on her cheeks as she tucked her sunglasses in a side drawer.

Benji was right.

I had been so obsessed with my own selfish needs that I was neglecting Alice.

She brushed past me and washed her hands and face, drying off with paper towels before letting out a sigh. "So, I have the grocery order ready to go. Will you take a look and see if I missed anything?" Alice slid her phone across the counter to me with the Instacart app open and I started scanning the list. I increased the number of items for a few things on the list like adding an extra dozen eggs and another loaf of wheat bread for Benji and myself.

The only extra item I added was a package of Grape Gatorade to continue my Dad's legacy of horrible flavor choices.  I was getting used to this one and didn't mind it too much at this point anyway.

Lissy grabbed a pitcher from the pantry and began juicing lemons. I assumed she was making a pitcher of lemonade and let her work in silence while I did the same, scrolling the freezer section to debate whether I wanted to add some taquitos and nacho cheese or just ask Daisy to make them sometime.

"Looks good, I just increased quantities and added Grape Gatorade," I smiled, flicking the phone back toward her as she wiped her hands, tapping a few times to submit the order.

"Perfect. We can pick it up later tonight."

She got back to work and I scrolled my phone quietly, allowing both of us the peace we desperately needed. Benji's words haunted me as I realized just how dense I had been this past week. My thoughts had only been of myself and Benji... I truly had not considered how deeply Dad's passing would impact Alice.