Blue's Healing (HIATUS)

Chapter 22

    The drive to school was the longest and shortest drive I've had since before i went to therapy. I wasn't sure whether I was here or gone in the past. I was lost in the darkness waiting for small glimpses of hope to shine through. I wasn't sure whether I should welcome this or reject it so I let my mind decide for me. There was still a lot I didn't know about regression; the goods and the bads' of it were unknown to me.
My movements were robotic as I wasn't sure how to act in my current state of mind. The world seemed to slow around me and voices dull to nothing as I was lost in the space between myself and the real world. Words fly from the mouths of strangers passing me by yet the words leaving mine were laden with heaviness as the dripped to the ground as I greet teachers . The darkness tugging my muscles into a grimace that didn't resemble a smile but stood to suffice as one. Every motion labored as my lungs struggled to inflate. Yet, the darkness had calmed the frown between my brow as the emotions flew out of my skin to hover around like a cloud. I'm wasn't numb to the fact that my mental state was lacking so I stayed away from everyone in hopes I wouldn't have to explain or fake it... Not that I could.
    "Miles!"
    I drag my eyes away from linoleum floors to meet the worried eyes of Zane. My hearts grave cracks as I gaze upon the closest friend I've ever had.
    So, I nod slowly and turn back to my locker shutting it quickly. I stride away as Zane reaches me and tugs on my shoulder turning me back towards him.
"Hey! What's up?" Zane questions as his eyes scan my face with worry tied around his pupils.
    "Nothing. Just trying to get home. You?" I say as I look away from his intense gaze. The darkness slipped from my brow as the frown returned between my brows.
    "Looking for you...You don't look so good though..."
    "I'm fine. Just...not a lot of sleep," I say as I go to step out the school doors but I'm held back by Zanes hand. His veins pop out of his hand as he holds onto me with his eyes finding mine again.
    "Yea, no sh*t Sherlock...You are not fine, Miles. Whether you know it or not, your mind can be your prison if you let it. And right now, you need someone to open that prison. Your eyes are telling me a million things yet aren't telling me a thing."
    "I just want to get home, Zane. Now, can you let me go?" I say tugging against his hand which slips off and gets folded into his chest.
    He stares at me as I walk out the door pulling my hat down around my ears and shuffling my book bag onto my shoulder. The sky looks gloomy as the clouds prepare for an early flurry of snow but the grass gleams bright with colorful leaves. My shoes crunch the leaves as I walk up to my car and find Zane standing at my passenger window with a glare that could shatter the glass. I ignore him as I unlock on my my door as hop in starting it up and locking the doors. I clutch the steering wheel as my vision zeros in on shadows that begin to wind up and I drive out of the parking lot with my tires screeching against the pavement.

    I sit with my head back and eyes shut after pulling into the driveway. Exhaustion tugs at my limbs as I sit for a while with the car off and the wind howling around the car. The car shakes and gravel crunches making my eyes shoot open and my head snaps towards the car window. My eyes widen in shock as Zane stares back at me with a goofy smile that tugs on his lower lip ring. My shoulders sag as he points to the door lock and to my house before he starts towards the house.

    What the h*ll?

    My feet strike the gravel as I step out of the car and make my way to the door. I glance at him out the corner of my eye before unlocking the door and stepping into the warm house. I kick off my shoes onto the wooden rack sliding my feet into my tan slippers and make my way into the kitchen. Lemon greets me warmly as I fill up her water and food bowl. Scratching behind her ears I sit against the wall next to her as I watch her eat slowly. I take a deep breath as Zane moves towards the back door; opening it up to let in the cool breeze.
    "You know, it really sucks to say you aren't fine..." I say as all the emotions that hovered around come soaking back into my skin.
    Zane leans against the wall next to the door as he gazes at me with cool eyes.
    "Even...even when you are drowning in unshod tears, you'd rather drift away than call out for help. I'm drowning in the waves of unknown darkness but its okay, right? I'm supposed to be okay but... This mindset is not good for me, I know that yet, I'm over watching myself fall apart just to be piled in a makeshift self. I can't do anything for myself but I want to save me."
    "Miles?"
    I struggle to bring my burning eyes to meet his but I force myself to look into his cool eyes. What I see in his eyes makes the dark spell that was cast on me slip from my mind and linger in the air waiting to be dispelled.
    "Are you okay?"
    The shadows drop away as I fall through the now blue sky plunging into the warm ocean below as my salted tears blend with my soul.
    I tip my head forward letting my tears drip onto my clenched fist as a strangled, "No," makes its way past my clenched teeth. My shoulder shake as I let the hurt, sadness, and confusion flood my senses.
    "Yea, I know," Zane says solemnly as he sits beside me rubbing my back. Sobs rack my body for a while until my eyes are red and swollen. A laugh makes its way up my throat as I lean my head back and look at Zane.
    "I've never had someone...No. I've never had a friend so this is all new to me. My darkest fears, the dark memories that follow me, my fragile mind, and nightmares are all that I know. My Grammy is here for me but there really is only so much I want her to shoulder. My shoulders are crippled by the weight of my own life. To let someone else shoulder that weight is unthinkable, but...I want to be happy... To be happy and not have to worry about reliving my past."
    "We all have skeletons and fears that hide around corners waiting for us to trip and mess up. There will never be a shortcut to stay happy. No life is perfect and no one knows what to do. But, when there are people around you to help take away just a little bit of the pain then it all seems so far away. The best people in life come when you really need them not when you want them. I didn't make my first true friend till I met those idiots and before now it seemed like it was the end of the world. The good times that we missed often get made up later on. No one person is perfect and more often than not we are all makeshift selfs trying to put each out back together. So, we all are broken humans trying to find people to bleed for us...I would bleed for you, Miles. Let me and everyone that is willing to listen help you to create a you that you want to see and love."
    "Zane...That was...Do you write poetry?" I say cracking a smile as I roll my head to look at him.
    His mouth drops open, "How'd you know?"
    We crack up as I pull him up from the floor and grab us some pre-dinner snack. That day I let him know everything that had happened and we worked through everything together. The journal the therapist had given me, what had happened with Rosie, my mindset after that, and the rest of it.
    Zane let me know that there can be bad regressions and not all of them are a good mindset to be in. And that was a little bit of the unknown that shone the brightest that day. I know everything will continue to give me hell but hopefully I will become as strong as I want to be with the help of everyone. Grammy thanked Zane for not leaving me alone in one of my dark moments and made him spend the night as he wanted to thank him with some dessert. Not going to lie it was nice having someone there that I could cry around without feeling like I'm weak. There really is a certain beauty to having people bleed for you, just like would for them. 

The week passed but Rosie and I haven't had to time to talk yet with her senior project keeping her away most of the days. When Zane let me know that she was at the school I told him I wasn't ready to talk yet. Some of that fact were true but I really did miss her. But I felt like I wasn't the one who needed to come to her first; her words hurt and I wasn't ready to let it go.
Saturday came around with a chilled breeze and frost coating the grass. Lemon and I sat in the living room with her bouncing around trying to catch the laser as me sprawled on the carpet reading about some mythical creatures. My head snaps up as the door bell rings. Granny wasn't home since it was the weekend and she loved hanging out with her friends in town, plus she had a key. I tug my brown teddy bear sweatshirt sleeves down as I head to the door looking through the peephole. My head snaps back as I see the, "Faerie man," I whisper in shock.
I peak through the hotel again to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me and... It really is him.
Why is he here?!
    I wasn't sure if t was excitement I was feeling or something else. I look to Lemon for help but she just hops on the couch to lay down.
You traitor!
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Word Count: 1823
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Hello. Hello. Hello. I have finally found the time to write as well as the inspiration to finish off the chapter. I had majority of the chapter finished a couple weeks ago but jut wasn't sure how to close it out even though I knew how I wanted it to end if that makes sense. It isn't as long as my other chapters but hopefully I'll get another chapter out by the end of this week.
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Also I want to give the biggest thanks to all of you guys, old and new readers!!! 14k!!!!! I literally almost threw up when I saw that number!!! Never did I think that I would reach such. Number in my absence but you guys did it!!! I love you and and I hope you all continue to stick around for the rest of Miles story. ( P.S. If there is any confusion, don't hesitate to comment or message me about it <3) Much love 💗 Love, Peace and Stuffies. Mwah 💋