Blue's Healing (HIATUS)

꧁𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 12꧂

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I hope you are having a wonderful day, and if you aren't (or didn't depending on when this gets uploaded) then I hope and pray it gets better tomorrow. I don't have much to say this time around; not much has happened that is important to tell so I will not drag it on. I would like to give a shoutout to @justakpopfanboy for voting on almost all of my chapters and being here from the beginning. I just want to let you know that it really means a lot to me so Thank you a whole bunch. Please enjoy this chapter and thank you for sticking around this long.
Word Count: 110
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    Goosebumps litter my legs and arms as I sat on the cold metal bench just outside of the psychiatrist office building. The seasons seemed to be changing rapidly as autumn chased out summer. The thin chilled air nipped at my naked limbs as I sat in just a white t-shirt and gym shorts. A yellow braided bracelet sat snug around my thick wrist as a constant reminder that today was a day to be apprehensive about.
    I hadn't stepped foot out into the real world in 3 months and I didn't know if I was fully ready but I knew one thing; I wanted to be free again. My hair reaches below collarbone almost at the same level with my chilled nipples. I learned how to use bobby-pins so now my too long bangs sat off to the side instead of hanging in my eyes. Although, I no longer cared how long my hair got and wanted it to get as long as it wanted to grow. I wold cut it only when I felt the need to.
    During the past three months of being separated from society, I was going through therapy and in a mental health facility on the outskirts of town. I hated the thought of being admitted to such a facility but it wasn't like I had a choice in the beginning. In the end, I decided to stay two extra months. At the end of each month they asked if I felt like I was ready to go home and the past two months I had said no. It was a big decision but I wasn't completely sure of my mental state but now I feel like I am more prepared to live a somewhat normal life now. Normal isn't what I should be calling it considering my life and what I've learned about myself.
    A hand clasp down on my shoulder snapping me out of my thoughts. Dragging my gaze away from the almost abandoned parking lot with the occasional flickering lamp post light, I focus my gaze on the hand. My gaze travels up to their face quickly and I immediately stand up to hug them.
    "Grammy," I say placing my face in the crook of her shoulder. I take in a lung full of air breathing in the smell that I have come to miss.
    "Miles, I've missed you more than words can say. But why are you smelling me?" Grammy questions as I could practically hear the smile on her face.
    Leaning away from her neck, I gaze at her loving saying, "I've missed this smell. It's a million times better than chlorine and odorless cleaning chemicals."
    "What smell?"
    "Home," I respond smiling gently after a minute of thought.
    She just shakes her head gently with a full smile graces her face as we head to her car quickly in order to escape from the increasing chill of the wind. Night had begun to set in casting a solemn moonlight glow over the building. My eyes can't help but look back at the moonlit building that housed me for a couple weeks.
    Living away from the outside world helped me to open my eyes to who I am and was as a person. I didn't make any friends there; I didn't find that I needed any. I wanted to devote all of my time to myself while I was getting help. It was a lonely existence, however, I've been living in my head for the past 18 years of my life, so it wasn't so bad. I stood still for a few minutes as I mentally separated myself from the dull tan brick building until I was ready to face life again. Turning away from the building, I finally entered the warmed up car where Grammy was waiting for me patiently.
    "Ready?"
    "Yea, I think so," I say as we drive off without so much as a glance in the building direction.
    I was terrified to be out in the world again, but I didn't want to let my fear take over me again. I know everything won't be different even though it feels like it will be. I was constantly told by my shrink that I lived in my head for far too long and it was going to take time to completely stop. I don't think I will ever stop living in my head but I believe I won't live in it all the time.
    On the drive home, I had my window down and envisioned the merciful wind carrying away my worries up to the moon as it was fully out by time we reached the middle of town. The moon hasn't left me for all of the time I spent away; the world left me but the moon was forever there. I was infatuated with the moon in all of it glory; I took it as a sign that there was a higher being watching over me. The Almighty. The Merciful. So many names, one won't suffice. I know it may sound a little silly to some but its all I've got in this nightmare called life.
    The crescent moon is high in the darkened sky as we pull into the gravel driveway. Stepping out of the car with the small brown tote that housed the few items I was allowed to have; I was hit with an emotion that I couldn't put into words. That was also one of the things I had to work on—putting the emotions I encountered on the daily into words. It was proving to be a challenge but I was trying.
    As soon as I enter the house, Lemon in pawing at my legs with her paws making me smile widely. At the sight of her, it makes me realize just how much I missed being home. Scooping her up, I cuddle her soft fur as she purrs loudly resting her small head underneath my chin that had grown quiet a bit of hair that I hated. Looking around the house, I wonder if it had always looked bright and warm. I was glad I was home now.
    Facing my fears was...difficult. I still needed to go to therapy but I was transferred to a facility that was in the center of town. I had to go two times a month; I got to choose those days and could just drop by even if I didn't have an appointment. The facility being in the center of town meant I was bound to meet other people that knew me. That was also something to worry about but I push that thought away as I head into the kitchen.
    "Has Grammy been remembering to feed you? I know she always forgets or just pushes it on me to do it," I say holding her in one arm as I get her some wet food and refill her water bowl. The kitchen seemed to smell faintly of brownies and lasagna.
"Are you hungry, Miles?" Grammy asks walking into the kitchen in her signature rose red robe and her white slippers adorning her feet.
Shaking my head saying, "No, I had eaten a few minutes before you came," as I sat in one of the chairs at the table.
"Mmm. I know you probably have enough room for dessert. How many?" she says taking a container out of the fridge.
Laughing, I say, "As many as you'll give me, Grammy."
I watch her move around the kitchen with so much grace, that I'm sure she was a dancer when she was younger. She'd be able to do everything blind; she knew the kitchen as if it was the only thing she knew.
"You are the reason I'm here today. I thought about ending it many times while I was away but I couldn't shake the indescribable feeling of needing to come back home. I don't want to loose you; so thank you for living in my head as a constant reminder that I have someone waiting for me out in the world." I say absentmindedly as she sits three medium sized brownies on a small white saucer in front of me.
Grammy pauses looking at me with so much emotion swirling in her eyes that it's hard for me make them all out. I look down back at my brownies picking one up and taking a bite out of it to avoid her gaze; brimming with so emotion I'm afraid I may drown in them. I sit in silence as she sits weeping silently with her silver hair that's out of its usual bun laying gently in front of her face. I just eat my brownie, not sure what to do as she is weeping silently. I've never seen her cry like this; it's kind of heavy.
What do people usually do at these times? What am I supposed to do?
I stand up quickly leaving for a few seconds only to come back a mere few seconds later with a box of tissue. I place the rectangular box in front of her as I sit back in my sit and wait.
Just do what I think is best. No reason to complicate it.
I don't have the best knowledge at dealing with peoples emotions but that is also partially my fault for avoiding human interaction. I'm learning how to deal with my own so it's going to take me a while to get used to other peoples and to act accordingly.
After a few minutes of silence, Grammy stands up to throw away her tear soaked tissues and wash her hands of the left over emotions still brewing beneath the surface.
"Are you okay, Grammy?" I ask genuinely curious.
She walks over to me, silently placing her hand on my head and kissing my forehead with tenderness.
"Yes, I am, Mile. Thank you for saving those words to me. I have always prayed that I was doing enough for you. I know nothing can make up for my mistakes of not forgiving my daughter when I had the chance. If I could've prevented the trauma you had to endure. If I had thrown away my pride and went to my daughter, maybe I could stopped everything. These things constantly plague me but I know the person I was and it was impossible at the moment. So I am so sorry, Miles. For abandoning you and my foolish daughter during the most crucial time you guys needed me. I will carry this burden until the end of times because it can never make up for the amount of time and mental health you had to sacrifice to stay alive. Thank you for staying with me but I want you to learn to live for yourself and if not for yourself then someone other than myself. I am not worthy of such a position in your world. That may sound harsh, but when I'm gone and no longer able to anchor you to this world; you need someone else. Whether it'd be a friend, a lover,  or a significant other. I'm an old woman that may kick the bucket in years to come but I won't until I see you are happy. So thank you, Miles, for sticking with me. You've helped me more than you could ever imagine. The months you were gone seemed to tick by so slow that it seemed like the world was holding it's breath waiting for you. Promise me you'll do this. Build relationships that you prevented yourself from doing all these years. Learn to love yourself. Learn to love. Grow as a person, be vulnerable,  and find yourself."
Looking up at her, as tears brim at the water line of my eye, I say, "I promise, Grammy. But you can't die yet. Not anytime soon."
"Good. Now help me clean up," Grammy responds with a small smile and a final pat on the crown of my head.

I promise, Grammy.
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Word count: 2100 (Not Edited)
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𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘, 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜. 𝙸𝚖 𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚜 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚝. 𝚂𝚘 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙸𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚛𝚎-𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍. 𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘. 𝚆𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢. 𝚆𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢, 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍. 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎, 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎. 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎, 𝙿𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎 & 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚜. 𝙼𝚠𝚊𝚑 ❤︎