a note from me, the author:
- this letter to my future self is written for Wattpad's #bravetogether challenge on their home page, although i won't be submitting it officially - i've chosen to write this to help myself
- this is a letter, not a poem, but i didn't have another place to put it
13 October, 2021
Dear Joy,
This is the Joy of October 2021. Here we are. The end of lockdown is just within reach, and school's almost out for the year.
At the moment, it seems like there's no point really to life. It's the same thing, over and over, and I'm so sick of it. School, dance, and friends. I hope by the time you're reading this letter we've worked out why we're doing this, to give us the motivation to push onwards. I'm really uncertain about the future at this point. I don't know what I want to do next in my life, I don't know where I want to end up. It seems like the long road leads to nowhere, but everywhere at the same time. Sometimes I just want an adventure, a purpose, someplace to climb up the path towards. I want to help. What do I want to spend my life doing? I hope we're in sight of a destination now, but I also want you to know there is life out there that doesn't rely on a job, and it's not everything.
I'm prepping for end of year dance concert, and I'm wondering whether it's all worth it. I'm wondering why I keep doing this if I don't think I'm really good at it, and I don't look forward to it, but I'm going to stick with it.
The people who're accompanying us on this path ever onwards? Some of them fit with me for now, some I feel aren't real friends and I don't click with, some I click with and want to stay with forever. Here's younger Joy's advice: if your friends don't feel right, don't stay with them forever: go find other people. to all my discord friends, who I hope we've grown up with and stuck with forever, because they deserve it, thank you so much.
I'm still slogging on with the writing, and I hope we're still doing it when you read this. I love my current project, but it's hard. I just want to get it out there. We've got this though, and we can get that story out there in the world for people who need it.
At the moment I'm struggling with being myself, I feel like I have to be a different person depending on where I am: school, home, online, dance. It's hard, and I think it's because I haven't fully accepted myself for who I am yet and so I have to try to fit into different places (yes I am a teen cliche). I shouldn't sink myself just because I think there's a hole. One day I hope we finally have the strength to realise who we are and be proud of it. When we do, remember me, Joy of 2021, and realise how far we've come.
I hope that by now you've learnt not to obsess over people, that if they don't respond they aren't worth every one of your thoughts. I hope we've found the courage to stand on our own and go out into the world confidently, instead of doubting everything. One day I hope we can travel the world together and learn more about us. I hope we believe that yes we do have this under control, that we're doing okay, that we shouldn't lean on people all the time but it's okay to ask for help, and that it's fine not to be perfect.
Whatever the future holds for us, I'm going to keep climbing up and up. For you. And I'll imagine you as I work for hours on my schoolwork, making it perfect (although no, it doesn't have to be), and as I'm making uni or job choices, and as I graduate. Because we will graduate, I promise. We'll reach all those milestones. Together.
Here's four promises for you to read. Maybe you'll still be working on them as you read this. Maybe they won't apply anymore. Whatever the circumstances, I'm working on them for us, and I have faith in us and the future. We'll get there in the end, and we're worth it.
I promise that I'll try to be okay with not being perfect.
I promise that I'll work hard, because it is worth it in the end.
I promise that I'll persevere with everything, no matter how hard.
I promise I'll try to be myself and work out who I really am and want to be.
Write me back in 10 years. I have faith in you and I'm so proud of you.
Love,
yourself.
thank you for reading! this is very close to my heart.
