stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 24

Zayn

I didn't even have Harry to distract me on the plane. He decided to stay in LA and wait for Nadine to be back in town next week. I hate that he might get wrapped back up in the blonde, but I'm not one to talk about irresponsible decisions made over the opposite sex right now.

I almost got off the plane four times. I was seated in first class in the front row, closest to the door, and it seemed too easy to just make a run for it. Why was I letting this thing fling me across the country when the only person I wanted to see was breathing the air outside the plane?

The only thing keeping me in the aircraft was knowing how disappointed Charlie would be if I cancelled another show. So I held myself in my seat and ignored pointed stares from the woman beside me reading a magazine with my picture in it, deciding instead to try and sleep away the five-hour flight.

I'd landed and been ambushed by fans in the next five minutes, security having to help get me to my car where my manager was waiting inside. I hated the empty feeling once I was shut inside the car, knowing Charlie wasn't waiting ducking in the back row like yesterday.

It was just Joe inside, the forty-something man who had helped mold my entire career. I really like Joe, and from past experience I know he can't stay mad at me long. He smiles when he sees me and just shakes his head. Before he can launch into any sort of lecture I speak.

"I love her."

He's never heard those words from me so he's a little taken aback, but he still launches into the business minded speech that I probably need to hear. I can't do this again, my publicist is working overtime, fans are livid and I'll have to reschedule the missed shows.

That means two more days away from Charlie, which sounds painful, but I just agree and know I need to just do what he says. He looks exhausted, and I know he has been cleaning up my mess for the last forty-eight hours; the least I can do is be agreeable right now.

We head straight to the venue and I'm escorted backstage. There isn't time for sound check, but I'm having a hard time worrying about that when I can't stop wondering if the paparazzi found out where Charlie works yet. I texted her in the car but she hasn't responded yet.

"Hey Malik!" my drummer passes us in the hallway and I smile, wishing it was a certain female voice calling me by my last name.

"You feeling better?" he teases.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about all that," I apologize. I mean it. Now that I'm back and realize just how many people I affected I feel bad for inconveniencing everyone.

"It's fine. She's hot."

It's simple enough, innocent enough, but I have to curb my jealousy and I roll my lips up to keep my mouth shut while disappearing into my dressing room.

I hadn't really thought through the fact that everyone on my tour would know why I left. Joe briefed me a bit in the car that the pictures were everywhere and my name was on a lot of shit lists.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I'm relieved to see Charlie's name. I'm even happier when I read she's still safe at work, with no shutterbugs in sight. I can breathe now, focus on my job here. I text her I love her for the third time since I got off the plane and tell her I'm going on stage soon and I'll call her after. She says she loves me back and I smile like a fool when I toss my phone on the table.

Joe gives me some instructions and I go through my vocal warm ups and drink some water before I'm led to the stage. I apologize to pretty much everyone I run into that's part of my tour and no one seems that annoyed with me. I'm sure a massive amount of shit has been talked, but no one is going to say anything to my face.

Once on stage I don't reference being sick or in LA because I don't want videos posted to Youtube and taken out of context tomorrow. I run through songs I've sang upwards of five hundreds times and manage to put on a relatively good show. But I don't really care because I just want to get off the stage and get to my phone.

Of course when I finally get to my dressing room and dial she doesn't pick up. I mentally figure out what time it is in California and decide she must still be at work.

To gain some good faith, Joe has scheduled some meet and greets for after the show, and I try her one more time before I'm ushered in to meet the people that paid extra to meet me. I know I can't phone this in, that I need to be present and friendly and smile for pictures and make conversation. Charlie would want me to, so I try.

After what must be two hundred interactions I pose with the last group of girls. Joe looks happy with my work, giving me a thumbs up and letting me know I'm done for the night.

"I booked you a room at the-"

"I'll sleep on the bus tonight," I cut him off as we walk back to the dressing room to grab my stuff.

"You really are in love," he laughs, referring to the fact that I almost always request hotel rooms after shows because I almost always have a girl to take to them.

"I am," I smile. "Which reminds me, can you get me a new phone?"

I've had five texts come through from girls in Florida offering their services or asking for tickets to upcoming shows, and they keep making me think it's Charlotte calling back and getting my hopes up.

"Of course, I'll get it tomorrow."

"Thanks," I grab my hat and pull it over my head, my fingers itching to dial her number again. "I meant what I said earlier, I'm not going to run off again. She was really mad I cancelled all those shows."

"Then I love her already," Joe replies, before offering me a good night and heading out the door.

It's weird, being alone after a show. Being alone, period actually. I never really realized that I am almost never without someone else in the room. Whether it be someone on my team, someone in the band, a girl I'd brought in, Harry visiting, I'm never alone.

It's something I'm going to have to adjust to, and when my phone buzzes and her name flashes on the screen I know I'm more than willing to learn how.