stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 18

Zayn

We've seen three more homes and I've watched her face in every one. I note the way her eyes trace doorframes and ceilings and look for certain things I couldn't begin to guess.

I've seen the way she's learned to control her reaction when the realtor shares the price. The way her eyes bulged when the second realtor said twenty-eight million made me giggle and got me hit in the shoulder.

By the fourth house she didn't even bat an eye at fourteen million. Somehow I knew to go in descending price order, and she seemed to take a liking to the last one. I'm noting that she likes the smaller, cozier spaces.

It shouldn't surprise me. Of course she wouldn't need a thirty million dollar mansion.

"Fourth," she responds once we're en route to the last house. That one is her favorite so far, and I have a sneaking suspicion that this one she's about to see might take the cake. That's why I saved it for last.

We pull through the ivy-covered gate to this Spanish style cottage nestled on top of a hill and I can already tell I was right.

"Wow," escapes her lips, almost inaudibly. It's genuine and adorable and her eyes widen as the driver parks the car.

The house is beautiful, it's somewhere I could just picture her living.

The realtor we meet is a lot less obnoxious. She doesn't seem to notice or care who I am. She's professional and Charlotte doesn't seem to mind her, which is all I care about.

"Are you ready to take a look?" the realtor asks and Charlotte nods so emphatically that I want to hand over a check sight unseen.

We pass through a door that Charlotte notes is rounded, or something. I don't know what that means, but I like watching her face light up as she points at corners and windows.

When we get to the master bedroom I hear her sigh, and she gasps when we get to the closet. I want to move her in and hand her a credit card and tell her to fill it up.

Four more bedrooms and a library she goes crazy for later, we're back by the front door. Charlotte chats with the realtor and I zone out, they're talking square footage and acreage and more numbers than I care about. I just need the price.

I tear my eyes away from her to note that this place really is beautiful. The living room is almost entirely floor to ceiling windows that look out to the ocean, and we're up just high enough that it still feels private. I don't want people looking in if Charlotte decides she wants to walk around wearing only my shirt, and I definitely want her doing more of that.

"I'll give you guys a moment," the realtor says, stepping outside and leaving us alone in the perfect space.

"So," I cross the gap between us and tilt my head, spreading my arms out towards each wall. "Whatcha think?"

"It's amazing," her eyes are sparkling. "It's the perfect size and it has the perfect view."

She gestures out the windows that are filled with ocean. "You have to get this one."

"We." I correct her.

She doesn't look happy at that, for the first time since we passed through the door her face falls and I quickly grab both her hands.

"Charlie. This is quick, I know, but I mean it. I want you to stay here. All the time."

"You mean, like, me living here... full time? I can't even begin to pay rent on a place like this..."

"M'not going to charge you rent. I'll pay for everything. Just live here with me."

She drops her hands. "I could never. I'm not a charity case."

That burns. I didn't mean to make it sound that way, so I apologize endlessly.

It doesn't seem to be working.

"Look, I can't be here all the time. I'm gone a lot. Think of it as giving me peace of mind that the house is being taken care of."

"Like I'm an employee? No thanks," she scoffs, turning to the front door.

Fuck. I didn't mean it like that either.

I catch her before she can leave, for what feels like the tenth time that day.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. Can't say anything right today. I just mean... please move in with me. Here. In this house. Let me buy it and come decorate it and live in it with me."

"This is too much," she shakes her head and covers her mouth with her hand.

"I won't even be here all the time. You'll get your own space..." I'm getting desperate, selling this house with a perk of me not being it, but I don't know what she wants.

Her blue eyes tip up towards me. "It's not that, Zayn. It's just moving too fast. What if we don't work? So I move out of my apartment and into this mansion in Malibu and then what? I'm homeless?"

I don't even envision any scenario where we don't end up together, so I admit I hadn't thought about that. And punctuate at the end, "that will never happen, Charlie."

She crinkles her nose, doubting me, and it stings.

"I can't uproot my entire life because you decided today that you want to try and have a girlfriend."

I want to remind her she doesn't exactly love her living situation, but I bite my tongue. I don't really know what to do. So I decide to buy the house and figure it out later, still hoping paparazzi follow us tonight and plead my case for me.

"M'gonna go talk to the realtor." I say softly, not wanting to upset her more. I join the woman outside.

"I'll take it."

"Alright, there's one other offer on it so I'll just need to..."

"I can pay cash."

"Oh, well, alright."

This lady has no idea how I have so much money, I can tell. But I have five times the price tag of this place sitting in assorted banks and I just want it to be mine. Right now.

We discuss logistics and I put her in touch with my accountant before heading back into the house to get Charlotte.

There's no furniture in the place, and she looks so tiny standing in front of the massive windows. She turns when she hears the front door shut and her eyes look softer than when I left.

"I'm sorry. About before," she says. "I'm just... I told you I trusted you. And I do. I just don't want to do anything stupid."

"What if you keep your place?" I suggest. "And just have a key and... just stay here when you want."

It seems to be a good compromise; I can tell she's weighing the option.

"I can work with that," she finally agrees, lacing our fingers together. "I'm sorry I got so upset."

"Don't be. It's a lot. Just want you to know I'm serious," I kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm coming on too strong. Remember, I'm just as new to this as you are."

She smiles at this, nodding. "I know."

"Are you hungry?" I ask, the sun is setting and the sky is turning pink behind her.

"Always."

We say our goodbyes to the realtor and I open the car door for her. I feel a crazy amount of peace as we leave the driveway, knowing it's going to be the first time of many.