stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 57

Days on tour pass very strangely. Under Nurse Zayn's watchful eye I'm better in two days. After a few more shows in Canada and a few more shows at the top of the United States, we weaved around and were now settled somewhere in Ohio.

We're still a big part of the news, and it's harder to avoid when you're bored driving hours through the middle of nowhere. It's too easy to check twitter or google Zayn's name.

It's also harder to avoid the way the anti-Charlotte movement is growing. I knew it would. And the more and more my name is becoming attached to his, amplified by my own Valentine's Day Instagram with the roses, the angrier it makes this group of fans. I have what they want, and in their eyes I'm gloating.

But Jane assured me it was a good move when Zayn and I called, for both of our careers. She likes keeping my name in the news, and she things it's good for the public to see Zayn settling down.

So I made headlines just from posting that one picture, with outlets gleaning as much information as they could. Some figured out what hotel we were in; another tracked down the florist that helped Zayn put it together.

The tattoo parlor's Instagram the day after caused another bout of interest, with speculation of what Zayn could have had tattooed for me. No one guessed it was me that got the ink, and I kind of liked it that way.

I'm up to a million followers on Instagram, and even more on Twitter. I try not to think about that too much, because it's a little scary. The one night I did I ended up going through and deleting most of my pictures; not wanting the invasion into my once normal and boring life. It doesn't seem to matter because pro and anti Charlotte Instagrams are popping up everyday, and most are armed with those older pictures that I'd now deleted. One of them has pictures I never posted on Instagram, and I quickly realize the only place they could have been found is my still very private Facebook. So I delete Facebook.

It's a weird feeling. Walking the fine line of listening to Jane and playing along, but trying to fly below the radar. I'm learning it's probably not possible. This is also scary, and I don't tell Zayn. He hates this topic.

North Dakota got a picture of us stopping at a Starbucks, caught Zayn holding the door for me and launched headlines of how chivalrous he is.

In Indiana I get cornered in a 7-11 by a pack of girls, eager for information and asking where Zayn is. That show ends up being one of the worst, because I attract way more attention than at other shows and half way through Preston has to take me backstage.

Zayn all but stops the entire show mid-song. He shows a little restraint, waiting instead until he's done with the song to run offstage and make sure I'm okay. When I assure him that I am, I almost have to push him back on and the smart little fans in the audience realize my absence caused him to leave the stage and rumors abound as to why I left the show. (I think they ultimately settle on a fan punching me, which isn't true, but is funny. Honorable mentions go to the ones that speculate I broke up with him mid-show, and the one person who weirdly decides this means I'm pregnant with Zayn's child.)

Yesterday we had a snowball fight, because I'd never had a real one, and I don't know where the amateur paparazzi were hiding that snapped that one but they should probably be hired by TMZ. We thought we were completely alone.

We both are starting to care less, happy with Jane's assurance and because it's just continuing the real narrative. We are a happy couple. In real life and playing out in magazines and on blogs.

I've never been to any of the places we're stopping, so sometimes when Zayn has meet and greets or sound checks Holly and I wander around to sight see. The few times Zayn and I have tried to explore on our own we were swarmed, because it was usually in smaller cities buzzing with news that he was in town. I know he hates that he can't show me everything, and I hate it too, but I'm grateful to have Holly.