stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 23

Charlotte

I thought it was hard to sneak out of hotel rooms, but goodbyes are brought to a whole new level of impossible now that we're officially dating.

I would rather have to run back and forth through a barrage of paparazzi for an hour than sit and cry like an idiot in the parking lot of LAX. And that is saying a lot because extracting ourselves from the gang assembled in front of my building this morning was quite a production.

We'd raced through them before heading to the Four Seasons. Now they knew where he'd been staying, but at least he was checking out and leaving today. I'd had Josh meet us at the Four Seasons, handed off my car keys and asked him to bring my car back so I could take him to the airport myself. We went through a service elevator and met Josh on a back street, then I dropped Josh at his own car and we left for the airport. It took so many steps, so much sneaking around, but it was immensely easier than letting the beautiful boy out of my car.

I'd parked on the second level, in a terrible space farthest from the elevator and had willed away the tears that eventually traitorously fell. It just didn't feel fair that we figured out that we loved each other and I had him ripped away so quickly, but it was exactly what I was signing up for. He'd hugged me and kissed me and promised me the moon and figured out how many hours it would be until he had the break in tour.

"I'm literally going to walk off the stage and get on a plane. I actually need to buy a fucking plane, so I can get here sooner. Maybe I'll do that this week."

He wasn't joking but I laughed anyway, and he kissed some more tears before I told him he absolutely had to go. If I hadn't, he would have stayed in the car and missed his flight more than willingly.

I couldn't destroy his career. I couldn't let him be any more irresponsible than he already had been.

"Don't forget, Sarah should be emailing you to start planning the house. And you are picking up the key tonight. You could always just start there tonight..."

"There's no furniture, Zayn. I'm not going to sleep on the floor."

"You could get a blow up mattress and..."

"I can tough out my apartment a few more days."

"Alright." He hadn't been happy about it, but he'd let it go and I had to physically push him out the door to get him to make his flight on time.

"I love you." He'd said, with such sincerity it made my heart flutter. I'd said it back and he'd turned away quickly like he was ripping off a band aid, shutting the door behind himself and running through the parking lot.

I wish he wasn't famous. I wish I had those extra twenty steps to take with him, that I could walk him to the security line and kiss him in public and wait there stupidly until his dark hair faded out of sight.

But he was famous. Hugely famous. And I had to settle with watching his head disappear in an elevator before falling into a fit of sobs, pulling my legs up to my chest and crying into my knees. My parking was going to cost so much, but I couldn't get myself to leave while I knew he was still in such close proximity on the ground.

So I waited. I stayed put until the time of his departure flashed on my dashboard. Then I came to terms with the fact that he was sealed away on the airplane, and forced myself to drive away.

Fortunately I had work in an hour and a half, and traffic had already slowed to a Los Angeles afternoon halt so I would at least be forced to stay busy while he was out of reach.

I watched a few airplanes launch up and fly across the freeway, wondering if he might be in any of them. Then I flipped around to see if I could catch the sound of his voice on any of the radio stations, but they all failed me.

Eventually my car crept along enough freeways and delivered me to work, where I was twenty minutes early and stayed rooted in my car. It was time to turn on my phone.

I'd used it to call Josh earlier, but I'd purposely avoided all of the notifications and shut it off as soon as I was done. And now I needed to face everything.

After turning off my engine I reluctantly slid my phone out of my purse and hit the power button. Almost instantly there was a barrage of more notifications than I knew people. Nineteen missed calls and eighty-seven unread texts.

I sifted through to the only one that mattered, one from Zayn before he had to shut his phone off on the plane. He reminded me how many hours left, told me how much he already missed me and signed it with I love you and an "xx z."

I reread it a few times, needing the serenity of knowing why I was opening myself up to what the rest of my phone's notifications would undoubtedly be alerting me to.

I decided to go with Alli's string of texts first. It was mainly obscenities and screenshots of blogs with my picture on them. She was also 8 of the nineteen missed calls.

Our most Hollywood friend Parker weighed in with 4 texts, congratulating me and telling me to bring Zayn to his party Sunday. I laugh out loud because he must not know Zayn's on tour and also because I haven't heard from him in a few months and of course he'd be in touch now.

Random people from home have also piped in, asking if it's true or telling me they saw me on TV.

I press the palm of my hand to my forehead. Blogs and twitter news, maybe some tabloids, okay, I expected that. But on television? It probably hit all the entertainment news shows. I knew it would be big news, but my face being plastered on television screens didn't really feel like a possibility.

I have a few missed calls from my mom, but no texts, because she doesn't really know how to work her phone. I would laugh at that because I haven't heard from her since seeing her Christmas day, but of course she would be my biggest fan in this. All her training has snagged me the crown jewel of gold diggers' dreams - the celebrity.

Texts from Josh, a few other LA acquaintances, and random relatives I haven't talked to in ages round out my inbox. I thumb through them and realize most are just trying to get gossip firsthand, so I don't respond to anything and put my phone back in my purse.

I think Alli and my shifts overlap so I decided to head inside early, hoping to catch her in the back before I start. I don't even care how many questions she asks, I miss him so much I just want to talk about him. And she's probably the only person in the world I can trust to do that with right now.