𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐤𝐢𝐝

TWENTY - SIX

cassandra
friday 1/22/2021

"What's up with you and Ale?" Mattia asks. As we both walk across the soccer field to the boys locker room. "He's been out of it for awhile now." I chuckle.

"You should ask him, start to finish." I look up at my best friend to see a worry look cross over his face.

"Are you guys taking a break?" Now that I really think about it.... I think a break can do is some good. The only thing we argue now, and I know some people say communication is key but talking doesn't seem to be the key in this situation.

"Now that you said that, I think that would be a great idea for us. Ever since he left to LA, we have been," there was silence. "distance, arguing, worse." I look down to see the green grass since the school shoved the snow out. "The other day he came to my house trying to make things better but things only got worse. Ever since then, I haven't called or text him back. At school I just ignore him." I take a deep sigh out of my body. "I miss him."

"Can I ask what cause this?" Mattia stops walking which makes me stop. I look up at him.

"Sure, I think you need to sit down for this one." Mattia hisses. I lead us to a near by bench. "A few days after he left New Years he left for LA to work. A few days after, we had phone sex but after I saw Devenity posting on her spam or main, don't know and don't care but it said she will be in LA too. The same time when Alejandro will be in LA in February. Best part they will both be spending together on my birthday." I didn't want to look at Mattia's reaction till I was done telling the story. " I asked him if he is doing any collaborations with anyone and he said with a few but doesn't have his full schedule to know exactly know with who and when. I had a small panic attack and hanged up for being insecure. You know the day when you saw me at the back of the school? While you were walking to soccer practice?" I see the side of my eye he nods his head 'yes'. "That same day I went to a party and got drunk. Not really drunk. I posted on my spam, he saw it, I called him. He gets more mad when I was just trying to apologize for my weird behavior. Hanged up the called again. A week after that's when he came to my house and woke me up. Long story short he told me exactly "Casey, why can't you understand that there's absolutely no reason for you to get insecure. I don't give two shits for Devenity. I know I'm missing your birthday and it pisses me off too, trust me. I'm not mad at you for drinking but in the same time I feel like you are going no where with your sobriety." " I start to feel myself tear up. "Not only he brought up Devenity but my sobriety." I didn't stop the tears from falling. I want to show Mattia how much I am hurting. "I know my sobriety isn't great but what the actual fuck! I'm fucking trying and he has the nerve to say "Oh, I feel like we are going nowhere with your sobriety" like as if he has to deal with it." My head started to hurt and the cold is not making any of this better. "I wanted to just talk about Devenity because that's what started all of this. I told him to block her then if he doesn't give a fly fucking but he was silent. No words. So it shows he likes her a bit more than a friend." I feel Mattia wrapping an arm around my hip and I just lean on to him. "I feel so stupid in the same time too because we are talking about Devenity. Miss so perfect, Miss I play volleyball, Miss so gorgeous, Miss everything!" I sob out. Mattia hugs me tight to his chest. "What do I don't have that she does to the point Alejandro is starting to fall for her too? She gets to have everything but not me. Is it because I'm the mentally ill? Is it because I went to rehab while she has a perfect record?" I genuinely ask Mattia.

I finally look up at him to see tears in his eyes.

Oh no.

"Is that what you really think of yourself?" I nod my head and look down again. I didn't want to see the pity he has for me. I hate pity.