Guilty Love

17| Promises

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Promises

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Chapter 17: Promises (London's POV)

I stared at him, repeating his words in my head. 

"Because I love you." 

I don't know what to say. I don't even know why I really came here today. I don't know if it's because the guilt had been gnawing at me since last night. He could have gotten seriously hurt last night in that fight and I wouldn't have a clue what to do with myself if that happened. It made me realize how true what Dad told me was. 

Ronan's really here right now. The past aside, he's here in real-time and I don't know how long he's here for. I mean, for all I know, he might be packing and leaving again in a few days. And this has nothing to do with our feelings, at least that's what I thought. But I don't want to send the relationship we had, beyond our love, down the drain. We were friends, damn it. How could I let that go to waste? I don't forgive him. But I also don't want to lose him. 

"You loved me," I finally said. "That doesn't mean you still—" 

"No, London," he cut me off, "I love you. I do," he nodded softly. I reeled back in the chair and he sighed, leaning forward and grabbing the chair, pulling it closer again. "Don't run again," he warned. 

"What do you mean you love me? What are you saying?" I asked. 

"I mean I still love you. Are you really telling me you didn't think of that? You thought I'd stopped loving you?" 

"Yes," I scoffed. 

"Why? Did you stop loving me?" 

I opened my mouth to answer but stopped and took a breath. 

"Do you still love me?" he questioned. 

I blinked away. "I don't know." 

He nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief. "I can work with that." 

"Ronan," I scoffed. 

"Look, I'm trying again because I love you. And that doesn't mean I'm only doing this so I can have you again. Whatever you choose, I promise to accept your decision and be happy for you. But how can you not see it? I'll love you forever, London. You're the love of my life." 

We stayed quiet, taking each other in, processing our words. "Ronan, I don't know what you want me to say. I didn't come here to suddenly open my heart up to you again, I... I don't know if I still love you. But I don't want to lose you, okay?" 

He watched me. 

"You're here, you're really here again. And I don't know when you'll leave again if you even will. But whatever the case is, I just don't want things between us to always be so hateful. That doesn't mean I can forgive you, for all I know, that can never happen. But I'm... tired. I'm tired of hating you." 

"So don't," he replied casually. "You can do the opposite." 

I rolled my eyes, "The opposite of hate isn't love. It's indifference."