Roots and Oxygen

Chapter 45 - Anticipatory Anxiety

They stared at each other in the dim moonlight. Taro was right, but not rational. "There's everything stopping me. What if we cross the wall and we're seen? You and I will be in the papers the next morning. Let's not forget that my uncle was murdered, and nobody knows what happened to him, and the murderer is still out there. Also-"

"Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of jumping the wall," Taro interrupted. "Which I fully understand, those are valid reasons, but I could see you were tempted, and I can tell you're jealous of Oxley's freedom."

"So much could go wrong, and you'd get the blame. So, I'm being responsible because I wouldn't be able to cope if you were fired." Sage pursed his lips. The truth made him feel as though a spotlight shone down on him. "Maybe I am tempted, but it's not worth it."

Taro tilted his head, frowning with thought. "Fine, let's not risk it . . . tonight."

"Or ever," Sage mumbled, following him back towards the Palace, reaching the end of his courage. They moved only a few metres until a grunting echoed from over the wall. They spun and froze in the darkness, watching a hand grabbing at the gap from outside the Palace walls.

Taro didn't say a word but grabbed Sage's wrist and sprinted along the side of the stone. They moved as far as they could before whoever was climbing over made it to the other side. Taro shoved Sage against the stone and pushed him to the floor, hiding in the shadows. He crouched too, and whispered, "don't make a sound."

They watched on in a tense silence as the person landed in the field with a heavy thud. The person got up slowly, took a few steps before singing a drunken tune. Sage stopped holding his breath and whispered back, "It's Oxley."

They watched quietly until he disappeared past the tree and into the darkness, then reappeared as a small spec entering the Palace through the servant's door.

"Imagine if we had climbed over the wall," Sage said, feeling Taro staring at him. He shivered at the thought of being caught. "I wonder when he left."

"It's a good thing it stormed, otherwise he might've come back sooner and definitely saw us sitting by the tree."

Sage suddenly felt very exposed, like a child up to no good. "That's enough excitement for one night. We really need to go back."

Taro agreed, though they waited until they were sure Oxley had made it back to his room before setting off.

Once safely in his bedroom, Sage helped Taro close his curtains. As Taro lit the fire, Sage ran a bath. He was cold to his core and shivering as he turned on the taps. Taro soon joined him in the bathroom with rosy cheeks on his pale skin and a gentle smirk. "Are you not cold?" Sage asked through chattering teeth.

Taro shook his head to say no. "I like being rained on, but if I change to my other form now, the water will drain through the pot and onto the floor."

"I'll put you in the sink then," Sage said with a snort. Taro sat on the tiles and performed his usual spectacular transformation, and Sage watched on in awe and disbelief. He placed Taro in the sink and let his long vines hang down, almost touching the floor.

Sage changed out of his wet clothes and descended into the warm bath. His entire body relaxed and stopped shivering as he sank to his chin and rested the back of his head against the curve of the bath.

Taro was still in plant form when Sage got out, so he gave him a night off and changed himself into his silk pyjamas that were already laid out on his bed. Sage gently carried Taro to his bedside table. He sat next to him and slowly touched his leaves. "I had a good night tonight," he whispered, watching as the leaves curled around his fingers. Sage smiled at the memory of them kissing in the rain.

He knew there was no way back now. He was falling head over heels for Taro Vinea, and his flirting, and his thirst for an adventurous life. The thought of Taro getting fired deeply troubled him, especially when he had peered over the wall and seriously considered climbing over. It's not just my happiness I'm risking. He wrapped Taro's vines around the bottom of his pot and slid under his covers. He stayed on that side of the bed, just to be closer to the plant on his bedside table.

Oh god, what am I doing? Sage buried his head under his duvet. He really couldn't turn back, which meant facing his fears in the future. He would have to tell his parents about Taro, and he would have to tell them that he was falling for his Valet, his personal guard, his house plant.

That last thought made him scoff aloud. I can't tell my parents everything, but they won't be happy about this. Sage's gut flipped. This is madness. Would I really give up the crown for him? Why the hell wouldn't I? They might not make me give it up. What if they make me lie? I could abdicate and give the crown to Oxley. Sage felt sick. He doesn't deserve the burden.

So rapidly, he had filled himself with anxiety and dread. He tried to think about something else, but now their kiss made him guilty. No matter what happened in the future, someone was going to get hurt. He had already hurt Lady Liniana. He was sure to hurt his parents, and sure to hurt his brother too.

His duvet suddenly peeled back from covering his face, and Sage's worried hazel eyes fell into familiar green ones. "What are you overthinking about?" Taro asked, a little sleepily.

"How did you know?"

Taro shrugged and plopped into bed beside him. "What's upsetting you?"

Sage wasn't used to surfacing his problems in front of others. With Taro, he found it easier each time it happened. "Tonight was great, but it made me seriously think about my future." The silence was ear-splitting. Taro's stare was so studious that Sage found himself desperately clarifying what he meant. "If things keep moving at this speed between us, I'm going to have to eventually tell my parents about you. I'm going to have to tell them that I'm . . . that I'm . . . " Sage gulped. "That I'm gay."