Everyone Has Secrets

Chapter 46

Meredith pulled out a wipe and started to carefully clean Maddie's face, who patiently waited without making a fuss about it, which Meredith was grateful for. She threw the wipes back, wincing slightly when she missed and they fell on the floor, but was relieved when she heard Maddie giggling.

She laughed softly, gently tickling her tummy and making her giggle more. "Was that funny?"

Maddie nodded, snuggling against Meredith's side as her laughter died down.

"How do we do bear cuddles then?" Meredith asked, running her hand over Maddie's curls.

"Hug super tight, I hide." Maddi giggled again, cuddling up to Meredith's side on the couch, her body curled up in a tight ball.

Meredith lay down on the couch properly, holding Maddie beside her. Her arms wrapped around her tight, her chin against the top of Maddie's head. "Is this right?"

"Better than daddy." Maddie giggled still, and Meredith was more than happy to hear her more joyful than she had been. She had yet to figure out what had made her so upset, though.

"I'll have to show him how it's done then." Meredith pressed a kiss against the top of Maddie's head.

Maddie looked up at her, a frown scrunching up her forehead. "Mommy gone forever."

"Who told you that?" Meredith frowned, having not heard this herself yet, her fingers running through Maddie's tangle of curls.

"Daddy said to Nana yesterday, thought mommy was coming to see me." Maddie shook her head, hiding against Meredith again. "Want my mommy."

"Oh, princess." Meredith sighed as she squeezed Maddie a little closer, hearing her start to cry again and grip on to Meredith's top. "I know it's really sad, and I'm sure you miss your mommy a lot, but you have lots of people around you who love you."

"Have no mommy." Maddie sobbed against her chest, her body starting to shake a little.

"I know, I know, sweetie." She didn't know what other words of comfort she could use, her own eyes starting to tear up as she lowered her head over Maddie's, keeping her held close.

They stayed like that, Meredith's hand gently rubbing Maddie's back as she started to calm down, her breathing slowing as she sniffled a few times, nuzzling her face against Meredith's chest. Meredith's heart broke for the small girl. The amazing, smart, funny, brilliant little girl. She knew what this felt like. It had been her dad who had walked out, left her behind, but she had to imagine it was the same type of pain. She realised Maddie had started to drift off to sleep, most likely exhausted from crying, and her adventure from day-care to the viewing gallery. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, doing her best not to jostle Maddie as she sent a text to Derek to tell him to meet her in his office there as soon as he could.

She got comfortable on the bed with Maddie curled beside her, letting her eyes close as she felt herself starting to drift off. She tried to ignore the voice in the back of her head, the slight pain in her chest at the thoughts that this is what it would be like to cuddle her own son, soothe him when he was upset, things she never got the chance to do. She knew she couldn't replace her son with Maddie, that was... she couldn't do that. But just for a moment, she just let herself imagine, and it helped her drift off into a rare, peaceful sleep.

****

She felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder as she was pulled out of her sleep, something tickling her cheek. She groaned slightly, quickly realising Maddie was still curled up in her arms as she blinked a few times.

"Meredith."

She heard Derek speaking and turned her head to find him grinning softly. He was crouched on the floor besides the couch.