Guilty Love

10| Catch

Our one benefit, people in Runville are early to bed, early to rise. Most of the adults are, at least. So, it's not very likely that people will see us and spread any rumors. 

I heard her sigh before her head came down on my shoulder. "Are you sleepy?" I asked. 

She hummed out a yes. She works long hours every single day. From eight in the morning to eight in the evening. I hate that for her and we both hated it when her parents did this. She should give herself a break. "You caught me," she mumbled before yawning softly. 

"Hmm," I replied, "I always catch you." 

She chuckled dryly. "Right. You always catch me." 

I ignored her dig and continued walking. Within a few minutes, her breathing evened out and she was fast asleep on my shoulder. I just hope her dad is awake and can answer the door because I don't want to wake her up now. 

I reached her house pretty quickly and rang the doorbell, glancing at her over my shoulder. God, she's as good as drunk when she's asleep. The heaviest sleeper you'll ever meet. There could be an explosion in the house and she wouldn't wake up. 

The door opened and Mr. Ryan stood there, surprised when he saw me. "Oh, hello Ronan. Uh, what the hell happened to her?" He chuckled softly. 

"Um, we were working at the store and she fell and hurt herself." 

"Oh dear, is she all right?" His expression changed from amused to concerned in a heartbeat. 

"She's all right. Just her ankle. But she fell asleep on the way here. So, I'll just... tuck her in?" 

"Of course." He stepped aside and let me in. "Just lock the door on your way out, yeah?" 

I nodded in understanding before he left for his room. I walked upstairs slowly, lowering her onto the bed and taking her bag, setting it on her desk chair before taking her keys out of her hands. I put them on her nightstand and stopped when I saw the bracelet I gave her dangling off the lamp. 

I grabbed it, looking at the purple thread with the tiny teal crystal in between the knot. I kneeled by her bed and slipped it back onto her wrist. I chuckled softly, going downstairs and grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. I went back to her room, leaving her socks on even though I knew they would slip off her feet and disappear in her bed at some point, and I put the ice pack over her ankle. 

She shifted slightly, feeling the sudden chill but she grumbled a little in her sleep and dozed back off. 

I sat on the floor and just watched her sleep for a minute. It felt overwhelming. All of it. It hit me just how much I lost when I left her, how much I actually missed her, and how I could do nothing about it now until she decided to give me another chance. She rolled on her side, the ice pack still under her ankle as her hand fell limp and off the edge of the bed. I clicked my tongue, frustrated with myself. Even I can't believe I didn't choose her. 

Looking back, everybody expected me to choose her, even I expected myself to choose her. I should have found another way. We could have tried long distance, at least tried it. I should have visited during my holidays, or flown her out to come meet me whenever she could. 

I know it's what she was referring to earlier when she took another jab at me, even when she was half asleep. I said I would always catch her but I really didn't. I let her fall and break. And it was actually because of me that it happened. And I acted like I didn't care, I sat back and watched. 

What if I've... really lost her? 

I grabbed her hand, hesitantly and gave it a quick kiss. I should go home, I should let her sleep, and I should go to sleep too. There's a game going on here. At first, I was just after winning and showing her what it would have been like had I actually treated her like she was nothing but a game. And while the rules might not change, that doesn't mean my goal can't. 

Fuck that, fuck making her hurt more than I already have. I want her back. I want her to be mine again. At any and at all costs. 

I began getting up and dropping her hand but froze and sat back down when she tightened her grip on my hand. I held on, scooting forward and closer to the bed, brushing her hair out of her eyes. 

"It hurts," she said in her sleep. 

"What hurts?" I whispered. 

"Everything," she mumbled. A few seconds later, she was snoring softly. I know from experience that she only snores when she is too tired to even form a sentence properly. A moment later, her breathing evened out but she had a tear rolling out from the corner of her eye. 

I clenched my jaw, looking down at the ground, letting out a shaky breath. I wiped her cheek slowly before pulling my hand out of hers and tiptoeing out. A huge part of me really wants her back and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen. But sometimes I think she's better off without me. 

I know she might not be the happiest, but when I left, I gave her nothing but pain. And even now, I don't know if I'll stay in Runville or go back to Boston. What I told my agent wasn't the whole truth either. I said I was going back to my hometown and taking a break. I never said how long that break would last nor did I say the break would end. Because I don't know. This break could last for the rest of my life or I could be back in Boston in some time. 

But it's not like I can't work from here. Sure, it would be difficult and it would be a lot of back and forth, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few months. 

But is going back to Boston worth leaving her behind? Again? And is staying in Runville worth leaving whatever is already built of my career behind? 

History always repeats itself. What goes around comes around. And where you start is where you end. 

Will I have to choose between her and my career again? Because if I do, then I don't know what I would do. I don't know if I can choose.

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Chapter 10

yk how you have a favorite song, then you overplay the shit out of it and get over it, and then after a long time, you hear it and you're obsessed all over again?

that's just what happened with me and the song 'Eyes off of you' by PRETTYMUCH

THAT SONG IS JUST TOO FUCKING CUTE

So I put it up there :)

next chapter: distance