Loves Me Not

Second Goodbyes and Hidden Lies

Sleep often evaded Han Seojun. And that night he felt especially awake. First it was Seyeon's mother and that kept him tossing and turning in his bed. Then it was memories of Seyeon. His face was etched in the inside of Seojun's lids. After that it had been the attempt to kiss Sujin.

And that had been the most embarrassing of them all.

"Aish! What was I thinking?"

Sujin had been right, he did regret it. His own emotions had compounded with the recent events and having her being there for him ignited strange feelings that Seojun had never experienced before. True, he had always had his mother and sister on his side. But this was the first time someone relatively unknown had taken him into their arms and told him he wasn't to blame. This was the first time someone had told him that it wasn't his fault.

Seojun realized he had been waiting for someone to say this. It was as if external acknowledgement somehow validated how mistreated he felt. It felt like a weight had been lifted.

With all of these thoughts scurrying around in his head, Seojun was only able to go to sleep just as dawn was approaching. This was why he emerged from his bedroom in the middle of the afternoon, yawning.

"What time is it?" He said, scratching his belly. His face was swollen and his hair was sticking out from all sides.

"Ugh, go brush your teeth, you garbage person. I can smell you from here." Gowon pulled a face of disgust as she painted her toenails. Seojun leaned forward and blew his breath in Gowon's face.

"Eomma!" Gowon yelled.

"Seojun, stop teasing your sister." His mother said mindlessly as she marinated vegetables to make kimchi.

Seojun grinned. It felt good to be home, to be in a space where he felt welcome and wanted. Even with his bad breath.

But something was missing. Seojun felt like he was forgetting something as he plopped down on the couch.

Wait a minute, wasn't there supposed to be one more person here?

"Where's Sujin?" He sat up straight, looking around for the bulldozer like woman.

"Oh, she's gone out. She said she would be having lunch out so we shouldn't wait for her."

"Ah. Okay." Seojun sat back, still a little sleepy. He put his feet up on the table. His sister groaned again.

"Ugh, Eomma! Seojun has his gross feet on the table!"

"Seojun, put your feet down." His mother said absently. Seojun complied sleepily. He fell to his side, lazily picking up the remote for the television. Mindlessly, he killed an hour on the couch before his sister pushed him to take a shower and clean himself up.

"Get up! You lazy bum!" She said, pushing him upright from the couch. Seojun chuckled and pushed his entire weight down on Gowon.

"Ugh, Eomma! Seojun isn't getting up!"

"Seojun, go and take a shower. You don't want to appear like a slob in front of Sujin, do you?" His mother said, firmly this time.

"Why would I care what Sujin thinks?" Seojun argued.

Gowon leaned closer conspiratorially and half whispered, "Mom's shipping you with that woman. She thinks she can get you two together before your trip ends. So, if that ship ain't sailing, you'd better tell her now. Otherwise, she'll get her hopes up."

Seojun made a face and shooed Gowon away, but made no attempts to talk to his mother. Languidly, he got up and went to shower. He was in the middle of shampooing when he asked himself who it could be that Sujin was having lunch with.