Loves Me Not

The Things He Couldn't Say

Absence was a great teacher. Once when he was a child, Han Seojun had climbed up a tree, as all boys did at that age. But upon his very first ascension, he fell. It wasn't a dangerous fall; no bones broken, no heads concussed. But when he had landed the air had been knocked out of him. And for quite some time too. Someone had to smack his back repeatedly, push his head to his knees before he could finally breathe again. Certainly, a lesson had been learned at that time. And it wasn't about climbing trees.

The absence of air surprised him. Air had always been such a regular thing that Seojun had taken it for granted. He had never realized how fundamental air was till he couldn't breathe anymore.

Jukyung had been gone for two weeks now. No sign of her gummy smile, no presence of her bubbly babbling, not even her floral perfume that stood out amongst his flowers. It felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe with each day she wasn't around. Seojun was reminded of that fall from the tree. How he had learned the significance of something he hadn't realized was necessary till it was gone.

But when had Lim Jukyung become so fundamental?

Me? In love? With her? He argued with himself as he brushed his teeth, getting ready for bed. No way. She's just a nice client. He spat out toothpaste.

Then, as he lay in his bed, he thought, Ah-nee, why would I like her? We haven't even known each other that long. But the thought made him toss and turn around on his bed all night long.

There's no use having these feelings. He told himself as he got ready for work the next morning. She will never see me that way. I'm just a florist. She's working for a big shot company. There's no chance. So, stop. He told his reflection in the mirror.

Having such feelings can be considered creepy, he argued with himself as he wrapped up a bouquet for a customer. She would be burdened if she ever found out. So I need to—wait, is that a pink coat? Is she back?! Should I wave—oh never mind. Its someone else.

His days passed by in slow burning agony. His own silence, his forever companion, started to feel heavy and cold. Even the plants that he held so dear felt distant and unfriendly. He needed Jukyung to tell him about her day, he needed her to comment on his flowers and try to get him to come to her company. He needed just one visit, just one hello, just one glance across the street from her office to his shop.

Stop doing this Han Seojun! He scolded himself. Get it together.

Seojun didn't know when and how he had developed such attachments to Jukyung. Was it because she was the first person to treat him decently? Was it because she never judged him? Or was it simply because Jukyung was Jukyung? He didn't know.

What he did know was that he quickly had to get over this. This was ridiculous and unnecessary.

But what if she likes me back?

No one else ever been as kind to him as she had. No one else had ever came back again and again just to talk to him. And certainly, no one cared about how well his shop was doing the way Jukyung did. Perhaps Jukyung was doing all this becashe she liked him too?

It was this sliver of thought that gave him something had hadn't had in a very long time. Hope. Hope that maybe he wouldn't be so lonely anymore. Hope that he would have someone to give flowers to everyday.

Hope that maybe he would have someone to talk to.

And with this realization, he began to miss her more. He moped around, wondering if she was okay, if she was back at work, if she missed him too. He wondered how she was doing and hoped she would visit him soon. He wished everything had worked out with the CEO's father too.