Elysian (Samantila Series #1)

32

Nang magising sa umaga at naabutan kong wala na ang ni isang bakas ni Stage ay natulala ako.

When I was younger, I always thought those people who cry right after their partner leaves them because they pushed them away are weirdos. Pero ngayon, ginagawa ko ang ginagawa nila.

Looking stupid and heartbroken, I cried desperately.

There'll be no distractions for him anymore, Ame.

But that also means no Stage for you anymore.

For the first time in my life, I cried for hours.

Kusa na lamang akong huminto sa pag-iyak nang di ko nalalaman. I felt helpless. I felt heavy. Pero, ayoko sabihin na gusto kong bumalik siya.

I didn't end our relationship for that. I already hurt him. At ayaw ko nang ulit-ulitin pa 'yon sa pamamagitan ng pakikipag balikan sakanya.

Habang lunod sa pag-iisip ay may nag-doorbell.

My heartbeat raised, and deep inside, I knew I am waiting for someone. I rejected my feeling, what I want, I rejected the thought. I know it's not him.

Kahit na mahal na mahal niya ako, alam kong nirerespeto nya ang desisyon ko para sa relasyon namin pati ang gusto kong mangyari. That's another part of him I liked when I was knowing about him.

When I opened the door, I was caught off-guard with Briseis' presence.

Nakasuot pa ng uniform ng nursing students sa kanilang unibersidad, Briseis smiled at me.

"O? Ba't maga 'yang mata mo ngayon?" she said and entered the room without my permission. Sabagay, pagmamay-ari naman nila itong tinutuluyan ko. Pati ang resort mismo.

She walked until she saw the kitchen, doon ay nilapag nya ang bag nya sa counter at laking gulat ko nang makitang naglabas sya ng alcohol drinks.

"Alam kong 'di ka laging nainom, pero, kung kailangan mo si pareng alcohol ngayon, ito na. Nag-order narin ako ng pulutan." aniya saka hinanda ang lamesa.

I watched her silently as she prepared the whole table for the both of us.

Tumingin sya sakin matapos nyang ayusin ang lahat, "Bakit naka-tayo kapa riyan? Upo na."

I obliged her and sat in front of her. May almusal rin muna syang hinanda bago kami mag inuman. Parehas ata kaming wala pang kain..

Habang kumakain ay nagsalita sya, "I am not forcing you to tell me, Ame. But if you want, you can always do. I know something happened. From your looks, from your mood, from your everything."

She let out a small smile before continuing, "This is the side of you I haven't seen yet. At gusto kong makatulong kapag ganito ka. I always got your back. Your cousins always got your back, Amaterasu."

As I bite the waffle she bought, I couldn't help but to thank Him for giving a cousin like Briseis, for giving my cousins to me. I am so lucky to have them.

Pagkatapos kumain ay nagsalita na ako, "We broke up." I paused. "He wasn't doing well at school. If.. if he get right back on the track.. maybe.."

She stayed and listened to everything I said. Pero tuwing nagbabadya na ang pagtulo ng luha sa mata ko ay iniiwas nya ang tingin at tumitingin na lamang sa ibang bagay.

"Did Tita Eliott force you to do that? Or, you did it whole heartedly?" she asked after I told her.

Umiling ako, "I did it with my own accord. I'd never just follow someone's words without thinking about it, Bri. Alam mo yan."

"If you think about it logically, Ame, I think you did the right choice. If he gets easily distracted because of your relationship, then it's really better to take a rest first. You two needs to rest. I am not the one who should be talking about this, alam mo rin ang background ko pag dating sa mga relasyon. But, I can say that, this decision of yours won't go to waste at least. At kung matapos man ang ilang taon, kapag parehas na kayong successful dalawa, at mahal niyo parin ang isa't isa, then don't you think that it was a perfect decision? To follow your individual goals first? Now, I can't say that you shouldn't cry 'cause I know it really hurts, but, I want you to be proud of yourself. I know that you've already said that to yourself many times now, but I want you to hear this from another person aside from yourself." she stopped and combed her hair with her fingers. "You made someone proud with you because of this decision of yours. You made someone admire you more because of your braveness to choose your individual growth first over your own relationship. And we both know who is that someone."

"You made someone proud, so be proud of yourself, too."

We carried on conversing about that topic for hours. Ngunit noong dumating na kami sa pag-iinuman ay ibang topic na ang pinag-uusapan na'min.

"Hindi ko alam kung magsisisi ba akong nag nursing ako o hindi." si Briseis habang tumatagay.

Ininom ko naman ang aking shot, "Was it really hard?"

"I don't know.. Kaya ko naman pero masyado lang talagang maraming kailangang imemorize. Luckily, I didn't take medicine because it's probably gonna wreck my mind."

Nagpatuloy pa ang aming kwentuhan hanggang sa mag gabi. Lumipat na rin kami ng puwesto, roon kami nagpatuloy magkuwentuhan sa beranda ng kwarto, kung saan kitang kita ang langit at ang malawak na karagatan ng Batangas.

I spaced out when silence dominated between Briseis and I.

Suddenly, the sea feels sorrowful for me. Tila alam nito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. The tides were calm and the smell it gives off feels sentimental.

Maybe, its relaxing for some, pero.. para sa'kin, ang naiisip ko lamang ay ang isang pangyayari na hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang subukan munang kalimutan.

I was so stupid to think of it as a good memory I can treasure over the years. Sapagkat, ngayon, nasasaktan lamang ako kapag naaalala ko.

Unti-unti, nararamdaman ko nanaman ang pamumuo ng emosyong ayaw ko sana ipakita sa iba.

Nakatulala sa dagat, tumutulo ang aking luha.

Damn, Stage.

Is this your goal when you made me your girlfriend? Ang baliwin ako sa sakit kapag wala kana sa'kin?

Napansin ko ang pagtitig sa'kin ni Briseis mula sa gilid ng aking mata. She shook her head and just drank a shot of the alcohol drink.