FOCUS-PJM✔️

.posterize.

AMARIA POV

Two days after Jimin and I talk about him spending more time with Kailo, I have an interview with Elle Magazine.

I will be on the front cover as well.

My mother has Kai at my house with Jimin. They seem to get along pretty well. They bond over cooing at Kai. Samara came over for a little while before I had to leave.

She didn't know that Jimin was there and stood frozen in the doorway when he said hi to her. She waved back before walking up the stairs and going to the guest room. She screamed into the pillows.

We heard her.

Samara then came back down the stairs fully composed and we pretended that we didn't die of laughter.

Just before they got me into the outfit that I'd be wearing for the cover of the magazine, my mother texted me a picture of Samara and and Jimin talking while he bounced him on his lap.

She said 'he's a natural. I don't know why you insist that I be here. I haven't helped him once since you left.'

To be fair, I did give him a run down of everything that he needed to know. Where all of Kailo's things are, how to unthaw and warm the breast milk up, his nap times.

That was pretty much it.

Everything else is up in the air for activities and things like that throughout the day.

"Amaria, how are you sweetheart?" Danielle, the photographer, asks as we finish up. "Are you feeling okay?"

I could answer that question in a lot of different ways. But I don't want to burden anyone but myself. So I go with my default answer. "I'm okay. Just learning the ropes of motherhood."

Danielle smiles at me as she nods. "Things are hard in the beginning. They get a bit better as they age. Take it from me. I've had to raise my daughter on my own."

I hear all of the advice given to me. But this is advice that I will listen to.

"I cried so many nights in the beginning. She's two and I still cry. My only unsolicited parental advice is that it might feel like you're not doing enough sometimes. Or that you're doing things the wrong way .

"You might question your parenting at times. I know things might be really hard mentally and emotionally some days. But those little laughs and those tight little hugs, those make it worth it. Sometimes." She laughs and I laugh with her because she's right.

Sometimes Kai's grabby hands and giggles help me. His little coos as he falls asleep. And sometimes they don't. Sometimes I still want to take everything and up and go.

Parenting is hard.

Danielle and I talk for a little longer before I change back into my leggings and t shirt. Tak and Steve escort me to the truck and on the way home, I think about a question that she asked during the interview.

Do you think that you'll ever become more open with  your fan base? I know that you're pretty private right now but do you ever think about opening up some parts of your life to them?