Redeemed

Ch. 47

"Focus, Thea." I took a breath and dragged my mind back to the task at hand: finishing the list. Merium had been working with me every day for the past week, and I was finally on the last page of the reflections I had written down earlier. With each item that I gave over to the Prince, a better sense of belonging and peace filled me. No longer did I walk around thinking that I had to prove myself in order to fit in or make others accept me. No longer was I afraid of what others would think about me if word of my past reached their ears.

Initially, I had been worried about Merium seeing some of the items on my list, afraid that she would cease speaking to me or that she would be unable to treat me as an equal. Instead, she had waited patiently for me to speak about my past and was quick to offer encouragement through hugs, words, and by simply listening. I greatly appreciated her for that, and our friendship had grown.

But now we were on the hard part: forgiveness.

Nourse had been easy to forgive, especially after his actions allowed me to escape the Naithari. If it were not for him, I would not be here now. The others, however, were proving to be a challenge, and when their names appeared on the list, I asked if we could wait because I was not ready. Jax. The bearded man. The other Naithari. Marduk.

Marduk.

When Merium had suggested that we add his name to the list, I had told her she was crazy. Out of everyone on the list, he was the one who purposefully led me astray and toward evil. After all, was not he the one who brought about all destruction, chaos, and heartbreak? At least the others acted the way they did because they were following orders. How could one forgive evil itself?

Ever the patient one, Merium had pointed out that forgiveness was not accepting the other person back, but a letting go of the hurt the other had bestowed on us. When we held on to our bitterness and anger, we were allowing the enemy (a.k.a. Marduk) to keep a chain on us. Basically, by not forgiving Marduk for what he did to me, I was holding on to the chain that tied me to Marduk.

"Give it over to the Prince," Merium coached. "Let him dole out the justice Marduk deserves. Eventually, that day will come, but until then, it is not our place to seek our own revenge." I responded to those words by saying that I was tired and did not want to do anymore. That had been yesterday.

Now, Merium sat across from me in one of the multitudes of rooms located at the fort. I wasn't any closer to accomplishing the task at hand.

"You need to give this over to the Prince. Let him fight your battles. Didn't you just tell me how following your vengeful heart got you into bigger trouble?" Merium asked, raising a brow. I sighed, annoyed that she had remembered that story and that she was right. The last time I had tried to kill two of the Dragon's soldiers, I had ended up being chased by an entire company and then carried away by Marduk himself.

"But last time, I was by myself. The Prince is on my side now, right? Next time I fight one of the soldiers of the Dragon, I will not fall." That seemed a good excuse to avoid the bigger issue.

"Yes, Thea, the Prince is on your side, however he will not support you doing what you think is right if it does not align with his plan. Remember, you, too, were once a soldier of the Dragon until the Prince saved you. There may be others who could become our allies but right now are enemies."

"Okay, but what about Marduk? I don't think he is about to switch over to the Prince's side," I replied, crossing my arms.

Merium sighed. "You are correct that Marduk will not change his allegiance. He rebelled against the Almighty because he thinks himself the rightful ruler. However, letting go of what others have done to you is not about them but about freeing yourself."