High School Journal

Tuesday, September 22 - The First Kiss

Today started like any other day, but it ended like no other day I've ever had in my life.

The alarm clock blasted in my ear, causing me to jump out of bed. I ran into the shower, grabbed something to eat, and walked to the bus stop.  

Hannah was waiting for me when I got on the bus. All she wanted to do was talk about my date with Connor today.  I told her it wasn't a date.  As of this morning, I still thought he just liked me as a friend.  I told her he probably has many female friends and that I was just one of them. 

When I got off the bus and walked into school, I saw Connor standing at his locker. I stood there and admired him from afar.  Moments later, he slammed his locker door shut, so I rushed over to catch him before he walked away. 

He seemed happy to see me. He asked me about meeting up after school.  He told me he wanted to take me to the beach.  I agreed, and we decided to meet at our lockers after school.  

I had a hard time focusing on anything else after that.  I did my best to get through the rest of the school day, but I'm sure I didn't do well on my science test this afternoon.  My mind was so distracted.   My every thought was about him.

Hannah and I talked again at lunch.  I'm sure I heard her say something about Steven, but I honestly don't remember. I was physically present, but my mind was already at the beach.  

I wasn't prepared for the best day of my life, especially since Mom is still in a coma.  Once again, I am feeling the struggle of being torn between two opposite and opposing feelings.  I feel guilty for not spending more time with her at the hospital.  However, I feel like I want to run away from it all and leave the pain behind.  

Fantasizing about a relationship with the man of my dreams is more entertaining.  It makes more sense to wash away my sorrows in the streams of love. 

I eventually found myself in seventh-period staring at the clock. I'm not sure if I was looking forward to the bell ringing or dreading it.  The only reason I would have been dreading it is because I assumed that I would somehow mess things up with Connor. 

I was hoping that Connor would want to be more than just friends, but I couldn't see why he would be interested in me.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see myself as Connor's girlfriend. Instead, I imagine that Connor's girlfriend would be someone prettier than me or more popular than I am.  

I gathered my things and prepared to jump out ofmy seat the moment the bell rang. Moments later, it started ringing, and I leaped out of my chair and ranto my locker. Connor wasn't there yet.  I put my books away and grabbed my backpack.  Moments later, I turned and saw him down the hall walking towards me.  As I watched him walk towards me, I could feel the heavens begin to tremble, and the earth begin to shake beneath my feet. He walked up to his locker and began gathering his books and gym bag.  He asked if I was ready to go, and I said yes. 

We started our drive towards the beach,   stopping at an ice cream shop along the way.  We walked in and placed our order. I decided to have chocolate chip cookie dough on a waffle cone, and Connor had a cup of cookies and cream. We found a table to sit at and enjoyed our ice cream.  We didn't talk much at that point.  We were just enjoying each other's company.  

We finished our ice cream and drove down the street to the beach.  We found a place to park and walked over to the machine to pay for our parking.  We got a ticket and went back to the car to place it on the dashboard inside.  We then made our way to the beach.

Connor and I enjoyed a leisurely walk along the shore. We had such a wonderful time. My hair was blowing in the wind, and the waves were crashing down beside us. Seagulls walked through the sand, leaving little footprints everywhere, and the sun had just begun to fall below the horizon.