my best friends brother - fred weasley

xxiii. goodbyes

Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic had organised compassionate days for some of the students, I was one of them. They had intended for us to talk to and help each other grieve and process our loss. While I'm sure the other students were doing that just fine, my three days were spent lying on the worn, brown leather couch in front of the fire in the common room. I stared at the stone ceiling motionless, hearing students move in and out in between classes. They try to keep their conversations quiet around me, but I can still hear their whispers. Some of the talk is about the holidays, some about schoolwork, some are about Cedric but most are about me. My friends hand around me after classes, reading or studying. The talk among themselves, waiting for me to join in but I never do. 

"She's got to move at some point." Ron stands above me, as though I can't see or hear him. I look at him dead in the eye and turn to the side to face the back of the couch. 

"Well done Ronald, you've made it worse." Hermione scowls at him. 

"I didn't mean to!"

"We have to do something, she literally hasn't moved in days." Harry pipes up from the other side of the couch. 

"She might actually be stuck to the couch." George joins in. Everyone stops talking as Fred walks in with a stack of books in his hand.

"She's still there?" He mumbles, staring at the group that's leaning over the couch to stare at me. They nod in response. He drops the books on the table next to the couch, sitting on the edge of the couch, moving my legs over a slight bit. Fred had been sitting with me before and after each class, sitting on the couch while I tried to sleep with my head in his lap. He had not left my side since Cedric died. There's an awkward moment of silence and some shuffling, before I hear some thuds on the ground. I turn my head and see my friends sitting in front of me, staring. Hermione gives me a small smile. I close my eyes and let out a loud sigh. Fred starts to rub my back in circles.

"You can let it out, Clover." Hermione says, reaching to caress my cheek. I try my hardest to smile at her, but it come off as a tired stare. Her smile falters for a second. 

"Did you want to come to dinner with us all?" Harry asks, I look over at his face, I can't imagine how he's hurting as well. He has scratches and gashes over his face and arms. I nod gently, slowly sitting up.

"And she rises from the dead." George jokes, standing behind the couch. Hermione gasps and everyone, including me, turn to stare at him. I watch as he slowly realises what he's said and his expression changes. "Clover I-"

"No, no it's okay George." I let out a laugh, "It was funny." I stand up and follow them to the door, trailing behind them with Fred next to me, his hand on my back for support.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asks quietly.

"I haven't forgotten how to walk." I look up at him and sigh. "You don't need to watch over me."

"I know, I just feel better when I know." He moves his hand away, walking  few steps behind me, still watching over me. 

It's the afternoon before we all have to leave for the holidays, and the entire school has gathered in the courtyard to farewell the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. I watch as Viktor gives Hermione a kiss on the cheek and hands her a note. She blushes and walks back over to us. Ron and Fred had been sitting with me, making sure the other one is by my side if the other isn't. 

"Au Revoir, Ron." Fleur Delacour and her sister come over to Ron, both giving him a kiss on the head as they leave, his face turns as red as his hair when he turns to face us, making us all laugh. We sit on one of the stone benches and watch both the school leave, the Beauxbatons on their carriages and the Durmstrangs on their ship. The trio wanders off through the castle, leaving me alone with the twins. The already large courtyard looks bigger now that it is almost empty, with  a few students straggling behind. 

"Got any plans for the holidays?" Fred asks, keeping his gaze on the sky. 

"Umm... I'll be forced to watch muggle movies at home the entire time, I'll practically forget about magic until that train comes again. You?" I sigh, thinking of how my holidays will be spent at home. 

"Just a few things, nothing special." He turns his head to look down at me. I'm looking down at my hands in my lap, playing with my fingernails. "Will you be okay?"

"No." I reply shortly. "But I'll live."

"I'll find a way to reach you, if you need." He smiles at me. I smile back at him warmly. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I will be doing fine on the holidays, just so you know. I can also reach out, if you need." George leans forward, coming into my eyesight.

"Sorry, George." I whisper. 

⊱✿⊰

The car ride home from Kings Cross station is an awkward one. My mother stares straight forward, only looking at me and talking when she thinks has to. I sit with my hands fiddling, looking out the window.

"You look different." She finally says.

"Yeah." I reply quietly. 

"What happened?" 

"Nothing."

"Clover. We may not see each other for most of the year, but I can tell when you're upset. You look sick."

"I'm not sick." I reply bluntly.

"Well then what happened? I won't send you back if you don't tell me." She threatens.

"Mum... really?"

"Yes, Clover! You look like you've been to hell and back. Tell me."

"Cedric died." I say abruptly, staring at her as she keeps her eyes on the road.

"Cedric? Who's Cedric?" She pats my hair, smoothing it out along my back.

"Exactly." I turn back to look straight ahead. She sighs and keeps driving. After an hour of silence she pulls into the driveway of our small house.

"Did Cedric die at school?" She asks once we get inside, she makes a me a cup of tea, in an attempt to make me feel better. I nod, taking a sip. My cat, Orchid jumps onto the bench, pressing up against my face and then stretching her back. My mum look at her with disgust, she hates my cat almost as much as she hates my school.  

"Clo..." She uses her nickname for me. "You're going to hate me but I'm not sending you back if people are dying. And especially if the rumours are true." 

"Mum, I'm going back. There's no way I'm staying here." I set my mug down angrily.

"That's not nice." She takes a step back, resting on the sink. "I'll get you into a nice, normal school. One with no magic and no murders."

"Mum. You can't force me to stay here."

"I can. You are only fourteen, you do as I say." 

"Mum that's stupid." I stand up, starting to yell.

"No, it's fair." She says sternly.

"You can't keep me away from my friends! You can't force me to completely change my entire life!"

"I knew you were going to hate me. But if it keeps you safe, then I'm going to keep you here."

"Why are you punishing me for dad leaving you?" I bring up the line that always makes her back down. 

"Clover, you can't keep using that." She crosses her arms, staring at me. 

"Well I can if it's relevant." I cross my arms and stare back. "You just hate the fact that I'm like him, so you're taking it out on me."

"Go to your room." She says quietly.

"Gladly." I grab my cat and storm through the house, slamming my door and dropping onto my bed. "There's no way we're staying here, Orchid." I whisper to the cat, stroking her back as she purrs.